


I Know, my Love

by Kleineganz



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, I don't do tragedy, Lyrium Addiction, M/M, Memory Loss, Mention of abuse, Mention of major character death, Smut, it's Hawke, mention of past sexual abuse, mention of rape, mention of sexual slavery, sacrificed in the Fade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:16:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kleineganz/pseuds/Kleineganz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris arrives at Skyhold after the defeat of Corypheus. He's looking for answers about Hawke. Cullen takes pity on the grieving elf and something more develops between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Warrior's Lament

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this story is inspired by the following poem:
> 
> I know, my love,  
> The time has come  
> To finally let you go.  
> I know you're gone,  
> I must move on  
> To walk this lonely road.  
> And yet it seems  
> You're still with me  
> Each movement that I make -  
> A guiding light,  
> Still burning bright  
> With each step that I take.  
> I can't forget,  
> I won't regret  
> The moments that we shared.  
> Your gentle face,  
> The loving ways  
> That showed how much you cared.  
> Right from the start,  
> You touched my heart,  
> You opened up my eyes.  
> You helped me see  
> What I could be,  
> That I could reach the skies.  
> Now I still find  
> You're on my mind,  
> Though you're so far away.  
> I know it's wrong,  
> I can't hold on,  
> It's time to find my way -  
> Without your love  
> To lift me up,  
> Sometimes it's hard to face.  
> But in my dreams  
> You're still with me,  
> A part I can't erase.  
> With each new day,  
> It doesn't fade,  
> It's lonely with you gone.  
> Memories  
> Keep haunting me,  
> And yet I must move on.  
> Perhaps in time  
> Someday I'll find  
> It doesn't hurt so much.  
> But I know now  
> Without a doubt,  
> I won't forget your love.  
> \- Author unknown

A knock came to Cullen’s door in the middle of the afternoon. “Come in!” he called, looking up to see a runner breathing heavily.

“Commander, an elf just arrived at Skyhold,” the runner said. “They said to come get you right away.”

“An elf? Any elf in particular?” Cullen asked, eyes narrowing, wondering if Solas had finally decided to show his face again after disappearing, _again_ , after the battle with Corypheus.

The running shrugged. “He has white hair and tattoos, but I wasn’t informed of his name.”

 _“Fenris? Could it be?”_ Cullen mused to himself, getting up from his desk. “I’ll be right down.”

The runner nodded and ran back to inform the guard captain at the gate, who was undoubtedly detaining the new arrival.

Cullen strode purposefully from his office, down the stairs and towards the gate, where it was indeed Fenris, arguing with the guard captain, surly as ever.

“Fenris!” Cullen exclaimed, greeting the elf. “What brings you to Skyhold?”

“Cullen!” Fenris breathed, stumbling over to him. “Is it true? Is what Varric wrote me true? About…about Hawke?”

That’s when Cullen noticed how red rimmed and blood shot the elf’s eyes were, and how deep and dark the circles were beneath his normally sparkling green eyes.

Cullen nodded tersely. “I’m afraid so, Fenris. Hawke was lost in the Fade during the battle at Adamant.”

Fenris crumpled to his knees before him, sobs wracking his form, exhaustion and grief getting the better of him. The warrior wailed loud and long. “Noooooo!!!”

Cullen felt heart sick for the poor elf, who had been a constant companion and lover to the indomitable Garrett Hawke. Cullen had seen much of them in Kirkwall before…everything.

Cullen bent to pick up the elf, cradling his weeping form in his arms, he carried him towards his office, leaving the guard-captain with a baffled look on his face.

Cullen carried Fenris all the way back up the stairs to his office. He gently put him over one shoulder and climbed the ladder to his loft, and gently laid him down onto his bed. The elf was inconsolable and there wasn’t much Cullen felt he could do, but wrap the elf in blankets to keep him warm.

Cullen then went down and summoned a runner, requesting a meal and a bottle of wine be brought to his quarters. Afterwards he went back up to check on Fenris, brushing his long bangs out of his eyes.

Fenris looked up at Cullen. “Where…where is Varric? Was he there when it happened?”

Cullen nodded in response to the second question. “I’m afraid Varric left to return to Kirkwall just last week. Now that the breach is closed and Corypheus defeated, he felt he was needed there more than here. I also don’t think he’s quite forgiven the Inquisitor for leaving Hawke behind.”

“Were you there?” Fenris asked.

“I was commanding the army at Adament, yes,” Cullen confirmed. “However, I did not fall into the Fade with the Inquisitor and his companions.”

“Why? Why did the Inquisitor leave him?” Fenris asked, his voice cracking. “Didn’t he know…I couldn’t live without him?”

“From the debriefing we had, I understand it was a tough call. He had to choose between leaving Warden Alistair in the Fade, or Hawke. Apparently, they both argued that they should stay, and Hawke convinced Mahanon that Alistair was needed to rebuild the Grey Wardens. He insisted on being the one to stay.”

“Of course he did,” Fenris snorted derisively, sounding a little more like himself. “Always putting himself in impossible situations, thinking he could muddle his way out like he always did. Just because he survived Ostagar, the battle with the Arishok and the aftermath of what Anders wrought in Kirkwall…he felt he was invincible.”

“He was named the Champion of Kirkwall for a reason,” Cullen recalled. “He did seem a bit…invincible.”

“What…what am I supposed to do now?” Fenris asked rhetorically, burying his face in his hands again.

Cullen reached out and pulled the hands away, forcing Fenris to look at him. “You move on.”

“How?” Fenris asked

“You take things one day at a time,” Cullen said. “That’s what I had to do.”

“You…lost someone you were close to?” Fenris looked up at him.

Cullen frowned. “Its…actually more complicated than that, but yes. I have known my share of loss.”

Fenris looked at him quizzically. “Tell me?”

Just then there was a knock from below. “One moment,” Cullen excused himself.

Cullen climbed down and accepted the tray of food and bottle of wine from the servant. “Thank you,” Cullen acknowledged, before carrying placing it down on his desk. “Please inform the others that I will be taking the rest of the day off, and to not to disturb me.” The servant nodded and left while Cullen locked the three doors to his office.

Then Cullen grabbed the tray and tucked the bottle of wine under his arm and used the other to climb the ladder back up to his loft. He set the tray of food down onto a table he kept in the corner and proceeded to open the bottle.

“As I recall, rumor had it you were quite fond of wine?” Cullen asked, offering Fenris the bottle.

Fenris accepted the bottle mutely, taking a long drink. “Thank you. So tell me about your experience with loss. Please?”

Cullen took a deep breath and a swig from the wine bottle when Fenris offered, after settling down on the edge of the bed.

“How much do you know of what happened at the Ferelden Circle at Kinloch Hold?” Cullen asked.

“Not too much. I had heard it had been infested by blood mages and abominations during the blight, and that only one Templar in the tower proper survived,” Fenris recalled. “Kaffas, were you _that_ Templar?”

Cullen nodded solemnly. “I watched my fellow Templars become possessed and worse. I was tortured for weeks by Uldrich and the demons he’d summoned. They taunted me with visions of the one mage I’d been foolish enough to fancy.”

“You…fancied a mage?” Fenris seemed shocked. “You didn’t even view mages as human when I knew you in Kirkwall.”

“I was very young, just barely nineteen. I had been newly assigned to Kinloch Hold. She flirted with me and I developed a crush,” Cullen blushed at the memory. “But all that was ripped away from me by Uldrich and his blood mages.”

“I…understand,” Fenris said, reaching out to pat Cullen’s hand in comfort. “I too was tortured by blood mages once.”

“I don’t think I know much about you before you came to Kirkwall,” Cullen admitted. “I was a bit busy dealing with everything going on in the Gallows at the time so I never bothered to inquire.”

Fenris took a deep breath then. “I am originally from Tevinter. At least my earliest memories are from there. I don’t remember much from before I received these,” Fenris indicated his markings.

“Wait, you’re an elf,” Cullen began putting the pieces together. “Were you a slave?”

“Yes,” Fenris admitted.

“I’m so sorry, Fenris,” Cullen apologized. “I had no idea. Somehow I had it in my head you were just some mercenary who decided to join up with Hawke.”

“Well, by then in a way I was,” Fenris admitted. “Although I was still running from my Master at the time. Danarius invested a lot in creating me and he wasn’t about to let me go so easily. I had been on the run for three years when I met Hawke.”

“Invested in you how?” Cullen asked, confused.

“Don’t you know by now how valuable my markings are?” Fenris asked, lighting them.

Cullen jumped back when he felt the lyrium sing to him. “Maker, those are…lyrium?”

“Yes,” Fenris acknowledged. “They were grafted into my skin and stole my memories. My earliest memories were of the pain having these carved into my flesh.”

“How…did you possibly survive that?” Cullen asked, stunned. He felt the pull, the craving to touch the brands. He was grateful when Fenris turned off his markings as they faded back to their normal white.

Fenris shook his head. “I don’t know. I just know that I did.”

“I remember hearing about your abilities,” Cullen recalled. “I guess I had long assumed you were just another apostate. I had thought you a battle-mage since you were so well versed in swinging that large sword.”

Fenris snorted at that. “I have never trusted mages. Not after what Danarius and his apprentice Hadriana did to me.”

“Yet you were friends with apostates?” Cullen queried.

“No, I was never friends with Anders or Merrill,” Fenris shook his head. “I tolerated them because of Hawke, that is all.”

“How…how did you become involved with Hawke?” Cullen asked.

“I…tricked him into helping me fend off some slavers who were in Kirkwall hunting me,” Fenris explained. “He had been kind and I decided to trust him and I agreed to help him whenever he needed another swordarm in his party. He kept flirting with me…for years. I finally gave in.”

Cullen smiled. “Hawke did have a certain… _charm_ …about him, didn’t he?”

Fenris nodded, and tears threatened to spill from his eyes again.

“Maker, I’m sorry,” Cullen said. “I hadn’t meant to remind you…”

Without warning, Fenris crawled across the bed to where Cullen sat and curled himself against the ex-Templar. Cullen put his arms around the elf and just held him as he sobbed out his grief again. Once he had stilled he pulled back and looked at Cullen full of embarrassment. “I’m…sorry. I am taking Hawke’s loss…harder than I expected to.”

Cullen smiled down at him. “It’s alright. I’m glad to help and it’s nice to have another old familiar face here now that Varric is gone.”

“Now that Hawke is gone, and I’m no longer on the run from my Master,” Fenris sighed. “I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.”

“Well,” Cullen said thoughtfully. “We can always use another Warrior with the Inquisition. Many of our soldiers returned home after the battle with Corypheus. We had no cause to keep them here.”

“If you feel I could be of use,” Fenris nodded. “I would like to stay.”

“Come and eat something,” Cullen indicated the tray of food. “I’ll go requisition you some quarters.”

Fenris nodded and walked over to the tray while Cullen climbed down the ladder and sent for a runner.

***

A couple of hours later, Cullen was escorting Fenris to one of the newly renovated rooms in the tower closest to his along the ramparts. It was quite spacious, but with as many people that had left the Inquisition since the breach had finally been permanently closed, there was more room at Skyhold and no one had claimed the room.

The room had been furnished with a decent sized bed, a dresser, and a desk. They had put in a small seating area in a corner with two plush chairs, a small table and a bookshelf as well. As a tower room, it also included a loft like Cullen’s, but that remained unfurnished.

“This…is all for me?” Fenris asked.

“Yes,” Cullen nodded. “This room has been recently renovated and we have received so many gifts from allies over the past year, we have more than enough to furnish and outfit several more rooms like this. If you would like some additional furnishings for your loft, please let me know.”

Except for the decrepit mansion Fenris had occupied in Kirkwall, Fenris had never had a room like this of his own before. He had lived in a luxurious mansion on Danarius’ estate, but he’d only ever been given a palette to sleep on, when he wasn’t tasked to kneel and serve his Master in whatever way the blood mage had required of him.

Cullen turned to leave. “Will you be alright? If you need anything, my tower is just across the way.”

Fenris nodded. “Thank you Cullen. You have already been too kind.”

“Alright, I’ll leave you to it,” Cullen nodded. “Come see me tomorrow after first light, and we’ll discuss your duties.”

Fenris nodded and Cullen left him.

***

As Cullen entered back into his office, his mind drifted back to Fenris. He hadn’t seen the elf in over five years, not since the battle after Anders had blown up the Chantry. He had let Hawke and his companions escape Kirkwall after that final battle, when Meredith finally showed how far she had fallen, into the grip of insanity from the red lyrium in her sword.

Cullen recalled being captivated by the elf from the first time he’d seen him. There had always been something different about Fenris. The fact that his tattoos were actually brands of lyrium was something he would never have guessed.

He felt sorry for Fenris and his loss. Hawke had been such a… _force of nature_. It was still difficult to imagine he was gone. Cullen had appreciated his help on numerous occasions when it concerned tracking down all the blood mages in Kirkwall. Hawke had been far more effective than many of the men under his command. Losing someone like that left a large void, especially to those who truly knew and cared about him.

Cullen thought back to the few moments he’d held Fenris as he sobbed out his grief in his arms. A warm sensation washed over him and he quickly tried to push it aside. It wouldn’t do to think of the elf in such terms.

And yet…


	2. Stages of Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen helps Fenris find a place within the Inquisition. Fenris struggles through his grief.

Fenris slept fitfully in his new bed. His mind couldn’t touch the Fade in the same way a mage could, but he kept dreaming of Hawke, thinking that the man was somehow reaching out for him from the Fade. “Hawke?!” Fenris cried out in his dream. “Hawke?! Are you there?”

Fenris felt himself being shaken awake. “Fenris, calm down, you’re having a nightmare.”

“Cullen?” Fenris startled awake.

“Yes, sorry to wake you, but you were screaming,” Cullen apologized. “I could hear you all the way from my loft.”

“My apologies, Commander,” Fenris said. “I thought I felt Hawke calling out to me from the Fade, but I guess it was just a dream.”

“It’s alright,” Cullen said. “I don’t get much sleep myself. I still have nightmares from Kinloch.”

“What do you do when you’re plagued with nightmares?” Fenris asked. “Back in Kirkwall I would just raid the wine cellar at drank until I passed out.”

 “Well you certainly cannot go raiding our wine cellars,” Cullen chuckled. “Often I wander the battlements, or if that doesn’t work I go hit the training dummies until I’m too tired to stand.”

Fenris contemplated for a moment. “Want to go hit some training dummies?”

Cullen smiled briefly and nodded. “Sounds like a fine plan. I’ll go get my weapon and meet you at the top of the stairs in ten minutes.

***

When Fenris met Cullen he carried the Sword of Mercy slung over his shoulder, dressed in just his black leggings and a loose shirt. Cullen led Fenris down to the training yard and they each picked a dummy to assault.

At first Fenris went through a routine of training moves he used to have to practice when still in service to Danarius. As he warmed up, Fenris nonchalantly removed his shirt, before going back to slicing and hacking at the dummy. Cullen looked over at him and marveled how Fenris’ markings really did swirl everywhere over his torso and back. Cullen had always wondered how far they went...now he felt himself being curious how they might be swirled over the taught muscles of his slender elven legs.

Cullen shook his head and went back to hitting his own dummy, trying to banish such impure thoughts from his mind.

Trying to focus at the task at hand, Cullen didn’t at first notice when Fenris began hitting his dummy harder and harder. Cullen blinked and looked over at the elf and there were tears once again streaming down the elf’s face as he cried. “Why?! Why Hawke? Why?!”

Fenris hacked the dummy to pieces before collapsing on his knees, wracked again with grief. Cullen wasn’t sure what to do at first, but he felt bad for the elf. Hawke had been his whole world, and Fenris didn’t seem to know what to do without the rogue at his side. Cullen dropped to his knees next to Fenris and the elf reached out and clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder. Cullen rubbed soothing circles over the elf’s back, letting him cry himself out.

Cullen had never seen the stoic, broody warrior this emotional before today and it left him at a loss. He recalled his own grief during those torturous weeks at Kinloch Hold, watching his brothers-in-arms die. He wasn’t sure if it could compare, but he still felt sympathy for the elf.

Fenris slowly composed himself again and extracted himself from Cullen’s hold. “I apologize, that was…unworthy of me. Please, do not speak to anyone of this.”

Cullen nodded. “Of course not. Are you sufficiently tired to attempt sleep?”

Fenris nodded, as he stood and grabbed his sword and shirt. They made their way back up to the ramparts and parted company at the stairs, Cullen heading towards his tower and Fenris towards his.

Cullen lay awake after that, trying to parse through the feelings that were fluttering in his chest. He was sure it was just because it was nice to have a familiar face from his past around again. He hadn’t realized how much he missed Varric’s presence until after Fenris arrived. The dwarf was always good company whenever Cullen occasioned to visit the Herald’s Rest.

Cullen wondered if the elf would be equally good company.

***

The next morning Fenris met Cullen in his office to discuss how he could be of use to the Inquisition.

“I was thinking I could use your help in training the remaining troops and any new recruits we get,” Cullen suggested, sitting behind his desk as Fenris paced in front of it. “Cassandra and I do all the sword and shield training, but we could use help on two-handed weapons training.”

Fenris had never trained others before, but Danarius had insisted on several hours of training each day to keep him in shape. He recalled how he had been trained, and while it had always been one-on-one, he thought perhaps he could apply it to training a larger group.

“Alright, I think I could attempt that,” Fenris nodded. “I will have to try and adapt the one-on-one training I’d had in Tevinter, so I could use your and Cassandra’s advice on training larger groups as well.”

“I had planned to introduce you to the troops and oversee the first few training sessions to guide you through it,” Cullen explained. “I’ll ask Cassandra to attend as well. I think we can begin as early as this afternoon, if you are agreeable?”

Fenris nodded. “I have nothing else planned.”

Cullen smiled. “Excellent. Why don’t you join Cassandra and I at the tavern for the mid-day meal and we can discuss how to approach the training sessions.”

Fenris nodded and began to make his way towards the door when he stopped. “Where is the Inquisitor?”

Cullen smiled. “He’s taking a much needed rest, with his lover,” Cullen explained, and then frowned. “I know you have no love for Tevinter magisters, but you should know that Dorian is a valued member of the Inquisition. When they return, please try not to tear his heart out.”

Fenris frowned. “Dorian? Dorian of house Pavus?”

Cullen nodded. “And not technically a magister, or so he keeps insisting,” Cullen said. “So you knew him?”

Fenris nodded. “He and his father attended several parties my former master hosted. I seem to recall Dorian being disgusted by the entire display. I was often…one of the centerpieces,” Fenris said with a shudder. “If his father still lives, then he would only be an Altus, but if he’s the lover of the Inquisitor? He may have no status left at all.”

Cullen nodded. “He did have some difficulties with his father, which is how he ended up joining the Inquisition in the first place. However, it’s my understanding that they have since reconciled.”

“Truly? His father accepts his relationship with the Inquisitor?” Fenris looked stunned.

“Dorian didn’t give his father much of a choice in that,” Cullen acknowledged. “It was either accept it or lose contact with his son forever. Considering that Halward had nearly succeeded in using a blood magic ritual against him, Dorian was well within his rights not to give the man a second chance.”

Fenris nodded. “I have often said, what has magic touched that it does not spoil…”

Cullen frowned. “Now that is a bit unfair. There are many benefits to magic as well.”

Fenris looked shocked. “You actually side with mages these days?”

Cullen nodded. “I know I’ve seen more than my fair share of abuse of magic, but since joining the Inquisition, I’ve seen the good in it as well.”

Fenris huffed. “I almost began to believe that, with all the good Anders had been doing in Darktown. Until he too became too blinded by power.”

Cullen nodded. Perhaps Anders wasn’t the best topic for them to discuss. “Mahanon…the Inquisitor…is a good man and a powerful mage and has led the Inquisition with an amazing amount of patience and grace,” Cullen explained. “He’s helped open my eyes on a number of fronts regarding mages.”

“I look forward to meeting him then,” Fenris said before he growled. “ _And his Tevinter lover_.”

Cullen chuckled at that. That was more like the Fenris he knew. “I best try and get through some of this paperwork. I’ll see you later.”

Fenris nodded curtly and left.

Cullen took a deep breath and rang for a runner. He best prepare Cassandra before they met with Fenris at the Tavern later.

***

Cullen and Cassandra arrived at the Tavern just as Fenris was seating himself at a corner table. “Fenris, this is Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast. Seeker, this is Fenris.”

Fenris gave Cassandra a polite nod and a grunted in greeting. Cullen is pleased to see Fenris being more like…well…Fenris. It was easier to keep his professional composure when the elf was being his more normal, broody, detached self.

As Cassandra sat she offered Fenris her sympathies. “You have my sincerest condolences on your loss. Hawke was…very brave. He saved the Inquisitor’s life and by extension the Inquisition itself. His sacrifice will not be forgotten.”

Fenris nodded. “Thank you, Seeker.”

Once they had their food ordered, Cassandra immediately got down to business. She and Cullen outlined their training plans and where they had gaps with two-handed weapons training.

Fenris thought their plans were solid and agreed to begin implementing them during the afternoon training session.

“So…Fenris,” Cassandra began. “I’ve always wanted to know. How did it feel to kill your former master?”

“A combination of relief and dissatisfaction,” Fenris replied bluntly. “I had been seeking freedom for so many years and when I finally achieved it, it tasted like ashes. If it weren’t for Hawke, I would have had no purpose. I suppose I should be grateful to the Inquisition for taking me in or I would be right back to that place in my life again.”

Cassandra hung on very word Fenris said and the elf finally noticed it. “Let me guess…you’re a fan of Varric’s work?”

Cassandra blushed profusely. “I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just incredible to meet yet another person from the _Tale of the Champion_.”

Fenris grumbled. “I do wish the dwarf hadn’t written that book.”

Cullen couldn’t help the smile that Fenris’ broodiness was bringing to his lips. It was good to see the elf more like his old self. Perhaps the previous night’s activities with the training dummies had done more good than he’d thought.

After they finished their meal Cullen, Cassandra and Fenris went to the training ground where the recruits scheduled for that afternoon’s training were already lined up and ready.

“Recruits, attention!” Cullen cried out. The recruits all snapped more or less to attention, the newer ones still being a little slow, but following their fellows well enough.

“Cassandra and I are here to introduce to you your new trainer,” Cullen continued. “He is an expert at two-handed weapons combat and will begin training you with these weapons beginning today.”

“What about the sword and shield training, Commander?” one of the recruits called out.

“Cassandra and I will continue your sword and shield training in the morning training sessions, while Fenris will begin two-handed training in the afternoons,” Cullen replied.

“But…he’s an elf. Aren’t they more suited for ranged weapons?” Another recruit queried.

Cullen growled. He’d hoped they had gotten past such prejudices considering their own Inquisitor was an elf.

“Fenris, I believe a demonstration is in order,” Cullen suggested. “What do you say, feel up for a bit of sparring?”

“I would love to, Commander,” Fenris said with a lopsided smirk.

Cullen unsheathed his sword and shield and readied himself as Fenris unsheathed the Sword of Mercy from his back. Fenris very easily swung the sword around and assumed a battle-ready stance.

Each of the recruits had sparred with Cullen at least once during a training exercise and they all knew how _good_ the Commander was. He often had them flat on their backs within moments.

Cullen gave a curt nod to Fenris when he was ready and Fenris began the attack, sweeping the large sword effortlessly at Cullen, who effectively blocked it with his shield. However, Fenris did not relent, and he kept swinging the large sword over and over at Cullen, pressing him back.

Cullen tried to stand his ground and push back, but it was useless under Fenris’ relentless blows. Soon Cullen buckled and fell backwards and even then Fenris continued to rain down the blows onto his shield.

“Enough, Fenris!” Cullen cried out. “I think they get the point.”

At the sound of his name Fenris came back to himself. “Apologies, Commander,” said the elf, reaching out to help Cullen back up.

The recruits looked at Fenris with a new level of awe and fear.

“Now are there any more questions as to your new trainer’s capabilities?” Cullen asked.

“No, sir!” all the recruits said in unison.

***

Fenris spent the rest of the afternoon teaching the recruits how to properly draw, hold, and swing two-handed weapons. Afterwards, Cullen led Fenris to the hot spring baths that were located beneath the main structure in Skyhold.

They unclothed and slipped into the steaming water, sitting opposite of each other in one of the larger pools. “That went remarkably well,” Cullen commented, trying very hard not to look at the lyrium markings swirling up Fenris’ legs.

_So they really do go everywhere._

“Yes, after our little demonstration,” Fenris smirked. “I think I owe you an apology for that, Commander.”

“It’s quite alright, Fenris,” Cullen sighed. “I know you’re going through a rough time right now. I just hope you find yourself at home here.”

“I really appreciate your friendship, Cullen,” Fenris said. “I felt lost ever since Hawke left me behind, and after I the letter arrived from Varric…”

Cullen nodded. “Varric took it hard. He blamed Mahanon for the decision, but I believed the Inquisitor when he said that Hawke had insisted on being the one to stay behind.”

Fenris nodded. “Oh I’m quite sure he did. Probably because his brother became a Grey Warden after being infected by the Blight during our expedition down in the Deep Roads. Alistair was actually the Warden who took him in and saved Carver’s life. Hawke always felt like he owed the Grey Wardens, Alistair in particular, for that.”

Cullen nodded. “That’s actually starting to make more sense then. Hawke always was one to just throw himself into a fight. I’m still astonished he survived the fight with the Arishok.”

Cullen and Fenris finished bathing and returned to their respective quarters. When Fenris didn’t appear in the Tavern after the final dinner bell rang, Cullen ordered a tray and some wine and brought it up to the elf’s quarters.

Cullen knocked on the door but received no response. He felt awkward just holding the tray of food and wine so after several minutes he finally just let himself into the elf’s quarters. Fenris was always notorious for never locking doors.

When Cullen entered he saw that Fenris was passed out on his bed, still dressed in most of his armor. The exhaustion and lack of sleep from the night before had finally caught up with him apparently.

Cullen set the tray of food down and went over to the sleeping elf and decided to try and at least take off the more uncomfortable parts of his armor so he could sleep more easily. Fenris didn’t even stir as Cullen began to remove his gauntlets and the metal chest piece.

Once Fenris was down to just his leggings and shirt, Cullen grabbed a blanket and covered Fenris, tucking him in.

Cullen looked down at Fenris, his features peaceful in sleep. Fenris always looked young, being an elf, but in sleep he looked even younger, more innocent.

Cullen wasn’t sure why, but helping Fenris like this actually made him feel…happy.

Joining the Inquisition had been the best decision Cullen had made in his life so far. His position here had given him a chance to get past the ugliness of Kinloch Hold and to atone for the events in Kirkwall.

Keeping busy and making friends within the Inquisition had left him feeling better about himself than he had in a long awhile. However, he couldn’t really recall being actually happy. It had been a very long time since he’d felt even the glimmer of happiness.

Cullen didn’t fully understand why helping an old acquaintance made him feel happy, but it did.  Perhaps it was yet another way to atone for things in Kirkwall, to atone to Hawke specifically, who had tried to warn him time and again about Meredith.

Perhaps helping to take care of Hawke’s companion was a good way to honor his memory.

Cullen made his way back to his tower and stayed up late into the night working on a pile of missives from Josephine and Leliana. He found himself straining to hear, in case Fenris had another nightmare, but tonight all was silent.


	3. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes. Dorian helps Fenris realize some things.

When Fenris had arrived at Skyhold six months ago, he had been distraught. He hadn’t wanted to believe that Hawke was really gone, having sacrificed himself for a greater cause.

Since then Fenris settled into a much needed routine. He awoke mid-morning and would spend time in his room reading until the mid-day meal. He would then join Cullen, Cassandra and the others at the Herald’s rest before heading out to the training yard to train and practice two-handed weapons techniques with the Inquisition recruits. He would then seek out the baths in Skyhold before going to the Herald’s rest for the evening meal.

The Inquisition actually paid him for his services, so he was accumulating a healthy sum of his own money. He spent some of it each night on a bottle of wine which he would often drink alone in his room. He was often reminded of how he would sit before his fireplace in Kirkwall, night after night, drinking the wine he’d found in the cellar of the mansion he occupied.

Some nights still found Fenris awaking from nightmares. Occasionally he’d walk the battlements, but often he’s prefer the training dummies, hitting one until he was too exhausted to lift his sword.

More often than not, Cullen would join him, and occasionally they would spend long hours talking, sometimes until the sun began to peek over the distant mountains.

Fenris wasn’t blind, he noticed the little blushes and nervous tics that Cullen displayed around him. It reminded him of Hawke, early on in their friendship, although Hawke had been far more direct in his flirtations.

Fenris wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it all, but he liked knowing he belonged somewhere. He liked having a purpose. Since escaping slavery, he’d found it difficult to find a purpose on his own and so he had jumped at the offer Cullen made to join the Inquisition.

***

One night Fenris was dreaming of Hawke again. Upon recalling the dream, he would swear he could feel Hawke’s presence reaching out to him from the Fade. A figure he thought was Hawke lingered in the distance. “Hawke!” Fenris cried out in his dream. “Hawke! Amatus! I know you wait for me in the Fade. I have mourned you for nearly a year now. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I need to move on. I miss you so much, but I need to let you go.”

Fenris would always swear that was the one and only time that Hawke spoke to him from the Fade. “I know, my love.”

***

After that dream, Fenris’ heart felt lighter somehow. He’d awoken crying but far less burdened than he had been. It was almost as if Hawke had given his blessing for Fenris to move on. To let go and forge a future without him.

Fenris wasn’t entirely sure what that future would entail, exactly, but he knew he had to stop living in the past. He had to stop mourning.

That afternoon after the daily training and practice sessions, Fenris found Dorian in the baths. Fenris nodded to the mage as he removed his armor and sat in the opposite end of the pool.

At first an uncomfortable silence permeated the air between them, and then Fenris took a deep breath and looked at Dorian. “Thank you.”

Dorian startled slightly at the sound of Fenris’ voice. “Thank me? For what?”

“I remember you, from when I was still in service to Danarius,” Fenris explained. “You were attending one of the parties Danarius held. I was…the centerpiece. You refused to use me as many others had. I remember you arguing about it with Danarius before leaving in disgust. I was always thankful to you for that.”

Dorian blushed profusely. “Well, it was a disgusting practice and I never wanted any part of that.”

“And yet you wound up with an elf with white hair, green eyes and swirling white tattoos as a lover,” Fenris smirked, pointing out the irony of Mahanon’s similarity to his own physical appearance.

“Yes, well,” Dorian blushed even more. “I won’t deny that Mahanon reminded me of you when I first met him. What I fell in love with was how wild and fierce and independent he is.”

“And I am not?” Fenris prodded.

“You’ve changed much since I saw you strapped to that pedestal, for anyone to use or abuse,” Dorian explained. “I’d heard stories of you since your escape. It was quite the scandal when you killed Hadriana and Danarius. They were both considered formidable opponents.”

“I had help,” Fenris shrugged.

“Ah yes, the Champion of Kirkwall,” Dorian recalled. “I didn’t have a chance to say this befor, but you have my sincerest condolences on your loss.”

Fenris nodded. The words were easier to hear now. “Thank you.”

“Have you given much thought about your future?” Dorian asked. “What will you do if the Inquisition ever disbands?”

Fenris shrugged. “To be honest I hadn’t thought that far ahead yet.”

“What about the Commander, what are his plans?” Dorian asked innocently.

“How should I know what the Commander’s plans are?” Fenris groused.

“Well…aren’t you?” Dorian asked. “Oh my, I just thought…”

“You thought what?” Fenris practically growled.

“I thought you two…were together?” Dorian shrugged. “You do seem to spend a lot of time together, and with the looks you both give each other…I’m sorry…I just assumed.”

Fenris was silent after that. Did others think that he and Cullen were… _together_ …as well?

Cullen was certainly handsome and he had been so kind to Fenris from the moment he’d arrived at Skyhold. More kind than Fenris had expected from the former Templar.

Dorian chuckled. “You hadn’t even really thought of Cullen in _that way_ before, had you?”

Fenris shook his head.

“But now you are…I can tell,” Dorian teased.

“What if he isn’t interested?” Fenris asked, more to himself that Dorian.

“Oh, he’s interested. Even a blind man could see that,” Dorian smiled at Fenris as he began to leave the bath. Dorian dried himself off and dressed, leaving the elf to contemplate what he’d said.

***

Fenris saw Cullen at the Herald’s rest when he joined the rest of the group for dinner. He purposely decided not to sit next to Cullen as was his habit, instead choosing to sit next to the Inquisitor instead.

“Did you need something Fenris?” Mahanon asked.

Fenris shook his head. “No, I just thought I’d try and get to know the Inquisitor a little better.”

All throughout Dinner, Fenris pretended to be fascinated by everything Mahanon told him about his life as a Dalish elf, and his challenges as Inquisitor. Fenris tried very hard to ignore Cullen entirely, although he did sneak glances occasionally. When he did he noted that Cullen was looking sad and lost and it made his heart clench.

After dinner, Fenris purchased his daily bottle of wine and headed back up to his quarters to think. He’d gotten about half-way through the bottle when a knock came to his door. It was Cullen.

“May…may I come in, Fenris?” Cullen asked nervously.

 Fenris stood aside and allowed Cullen in. They made their way over to the bench that Fenris kept in front of the fireplace.

Fenris looked up at Cullen after settling himself down next to the man. “Is there something I can do for you, Cullen?”

“Um, well…I was wondering…did I do anything wrong?” Cullen asked softly.

“No, why do you ask?” Fenris furrowed his brow.

“Well you didn’t sit next to me at dinner tonight,” Cullen sighed. “You all but ignored me all evening.”

Fenris blushed. “Oh, yes, that. I’m sorry…I…” Fenris took a deep breath and looked up into Cullen’s honey brown eyes. “I needed some space to…think.”

“About?” Cullen asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Well,” Fenris hesitated. “About us, actually. About how we…may feel about each other.”

“Oh, um,” Cullen stammered, blushing.

“I’ve been told that people think we are… _together,_ ” Fenris said matter-of-factly.

“Why would they think that?” Cullen said softly.

“Because of how much time you and I seem to spend together,” Fenris stated. “Also because of the looks we tend to give each other.”

Cullen was blushing even more and rubbing the back of his neck as he often did when he was nervous.

Fenris moved closer, placing his hand tentatively on Cullen’s knee. He felt the heat radiating off the larger man and it made the breath catch in his throat.

“Fenris,” Cullen breathed. “ _Maker_ , are you…are you sure?”

Fenris swallowed thickly. _Was he sure?_

“I’m not sure about many things,” Fenris said. “But I do know I’m ready to move on with my life. I know my heart and breath quicken when I’m near you. I know how you keep looking at me when you think I don’t see. Why don’t we find out the rest, together?”

Cullen reached out to cup Fenris’ face, honey brown eyes searching emerald green. This thumb caressed Fernis’ cheek as the elf leaned into the touch. Fenris’ heart was beating rapidly now, and a tingle ran over his skin, causing his markings to glow faintly.

Upon seeing the markings light up, Cullen tried to pull away, but Fenris stopped him, laying his hand on top of Cullen’s, pressing it back against his cheek.

A smile crossed Cullen’s face then, a smile that was reflected in his eyes as he looked down at Fenris. The mighty elf warrior, who had in the past six-months bested him in the practice arena more than once, now looked so small and vulnerable.

“I had imagined touching you like this for longer than I can remember,” Cullen confessed. “Since Kirkwall.”

“Really?” Fenris questioned. “Why did you never say anything?”

“What was I going to say? I only ever saw you when Hawke brought you along to the Gallows,” Cullen shrugged. “I was on duty then, and it wouldn’t have been appropriate.”

“Well I’m here now,” Fenris said. “And you are clearly not on duty.”

Cullen caressed Fenris’ check again. “May I? Kiss you, that is?”

Fenris nodded into Cullen’s hand and the man bent his head slowly down until his lips were just ghosting over Fenris’.

Fenris tilted his head and pressed his lips against Cullen’s. The Commander’s lips were warm and soft against his and he couldn’t help let the small moan escape his throat as he parted his lips slightly.

Cullen took that as a silent invitation and slid his tongue tentatively over Fenris’ bottom lip before deepening the kiss.

Fenris nearly lost himself in the kiss, in the, hot, wet caress of Cullen’s tongue and lips. He hadn’t been kissed like this…not since…

A small sob left the back of Fenris’ throat, and Cullen backed away, looking at the elf quizzically.

“I’m sorry,” Fenris croaked. “That was…it was good…but…”

“But it reminded you of Hawke,” Cullen stated and Fenris nodded.

Cullen took Fenris’ hands in his. “I really enjoyed kissing you. I hope to be able to again, but we’ll keep this slow, alright? I know you’re still hurting. I won’t push. We take this…whatever this is…at the pace you need.”

Fenris nodded again as he reached out and cupped Cullen’s cheek. “Thank you, Cullen.”

Cullen straightened himself and put a little space between himself and Fenris. “So, were you drinking that entire bottle alone?”

Fenris chuckled and got up to grab a couple of goblets, pouring a measure of wine for both of them. They sat talking until late into the night, until Fenris could no longer keep his eyes open and he felt Cullen’s strong arms lifting him and placing him gently onto his bed.

“Goodnight, Fenris,” Cullen said, placing a small, chaste kiss on the elf’s lips.

“G’night Cull’n” Fenris mumbled as he drifted off.

Cullen turned to leave, taking one last look at Fenris’ sleeping form and smiling, before heading back out into the night.


	4. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Fenris dine together privately. Dorian and Josephine help.

The next morning, Cullen woke up with a smile on his face. He recalled the previous evening and kissing Fenris. His heart thrilled at the memory.

Cullen had always been fascinated with Fenris, but the elf had always been with Hawke, and he was a Templar. A Knight-Captain no less. He really hadn’t been in a position to try and pursue a romantic liaison.

The fact that he’d finally had a chance to kiss the elf, Cullen now knew he wanted more. He had to take this slow, Fenris was clearly still mourning the loss of Hawke. Cullen was just happy that Fenris seemed to reciprocate his attraction. He was willing to be patient. He had to be.

As Cullen left his office and made his way to the training yard he had a spring in his step and a smile on his face. His recruits noticed his happier demeanor, but tried not to let him know. It was refreshing to see their Commander less grumpy and they weren’t about to jeopardize it.

After training, Cullen looked forward to seeing Fenris at the mid-day meal. Cullen entered the Herald’s rest to find the elf already at their normal table. The barmaid brought their usual meal and drinks as soon as Cullen sat down.

“Good day,” Cullen said, smiling and blushing. “Sleep well?”

Fenris looked up shyly at Cullen through the long fringe of hair over his forehead. “Very, thanks.”

Cullen’s hand moved to caress the one Fenris had on the table, savoring the warmth of it. Fenris smirked before pulling away in order to begin eating his meal.

Cullen wasn’t sure what to say, as his heart beat faster in his chest, so he began to eat his meal as well, while the two of them exchanged shy looks with each other.

When they were finished, they rose and headed out of Herald’s Rest, but before Fenris turned towards the training grounds, Cullen gently grabbed his shoulder. “Fenris, would you…would you mind having a private meal with me tonight? I could ask the kitchen staff to prepare something and set it up in your quarters. If that’s alright?”

Fenris contemplated that for a moment and then nodded. “Yes, that would be acceptable. Then I will see you there this evening.”

***

As Fenris went off to conduct the afternoon training, Cullen headed towards the garden for his daily game of chess with Dorian. As he approached the chess table, Dorian was already there, looking very much like the cat who swallowed the canary.

“What’s that look for?” Cullen asked as he sat opposite of Dorian.

“Whatever do you mean, _Commander_?” Dorian asked teasingly as he began to set up the board.

“You have a very self-satisfied look on your face,” Cullen pointed out. “What’s up?”

“Well a little bird told me you remained rather late in Fenris’ quarters last night,” Dorian said in a hushed whisper. “Is that true?”

Cullen blushed several shades of red as he hesitated to respond.

“Aha, I see that it is,” Dorian chuckled. “I guess my little chat with the elf was productive then. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Wait…you’re the one who told him? You thought we were already together?” Cullen sputtered.

“Yes, I had assumed you had been together for some time,” Dorian shrugged. “You both seem to spend quite a bit of time together you know.”

“Well we hadn’t been,” Cullen said defensively before softening his expression and whispering. “But thank you.”

“It was no trouble at all,” Dorian said, leaning back in his chair. “I know Mahanon and I danced around our obvious attraction to each other for months before I finally made a move. I sto;; wish I’d done it much sooner.”

“Well, I can’t move too quickly with Fenris,” Cullen sighed, making the first move of the game. “He is still mourning his past lover after all.”

“Indeed, but he seems interested in moving on,” Dorian said, making the next move. “What plans do you have for tonight?”

“I invited him to a private dinner,” Cullen said. “To be set up in his quarters, which are a bit more comfortable than mine.”

“That’s a good start,” Dorian nodded. “Add a lot of candles for a more romantic atmosphere,” Dorian added with a wink.

Cullen chuckled and blushed. They finished their game discussing other topics of the day.

***

After the game, Cullen decided to pay Josephine a visit to ask for her advice. He really wanted to ‘ _wine and dine_ ’ Fenris properly, and Josephine was the expert in planning such affairs.

Josephine giggled when Cullen stumbled through his explanation of why he needed her help, but composed herself quickly and told him to leave everything to her. She also recommended Cullen picking out a small gift. Josephine suggested he ask some elves about the tradition of favors.

Cullen remembered that Fenris always wore a strip of red cloth around his wrist. He’d begun to wear it soon after he’d been linked intimately with Hawke and wondered if that had been Hawke’s favor he wore. He was still wearing it last night and Cullen’s heart broke a little, again, for the elf’s loss.

After speaking with Josephine, Cullen made his way back to his office to take care of the latest pile of reports and missives upon his desk. Josephine assured him that everything would be taken care of, and to arrive at Fenris’ quarters by the dinner bell.

***

It was near the time for the dinner bell to ring and Cullen was pacing in his office now. He didn’t know why he was nervous. It felt ridiculous. He and Fenris have known each other for years now. They had grown closer over the past several months, yet here he was, as nervous as a schoolboy about to meet with his school crush.

To try and distract himself, Cullen had opted to change out of his normal armor, into a pair of soft leather breaches, boots and a simple shirt. He restyled his hair several times before finally giving up and going back to pacing.

The dinner bell rang and Cullen’s heart felt like it had jumped into his throat. He took several deep breaths before heading out of his office towards the tower Fenris occupied. He headed quickly across the battlements and paused at Fenris’ door.

Just as Cullen was about to knock, the door opened and there stood Fenris. Cullen’s breath was taken away as he looked down at the beautiful elf, who had also opted to shed his armor for the evening, and was instead dressed in a pair of forest green leggings and an embroidered shirt. Cullen wondered if someone had helped Fenris pick out the outfit or not. He then noticed that Fenris was no longer wearing the red cloth about his wrist, and that brought a little smile.

“Would you like to come in?” Fenris asked. Cullen nodded mutely and walked past Fenris as the elf stepped aside.

Fenris’ quarters had been…transformed. Josephine had truly outdone herself. There were drapes of sheer, silken fabric hung around the room, bouquets of flowers, and innumerable candles. A fire was crackling merrily in the fireplace and a table for two was in place of the bench they had kissed on the evening before.

“I take it this is all your doing?” Fenris asked in a bemused tone.

“Well, I, uh, may have asked Josephine for help,” Cullen blushed as he turned to look at Fenris again. “Maker, you look amazing.”

Fenris blushed at the tips of his long ears at the compliment. “As do you,” Fenris said softly. “I think I prefer you without that furred monstrosity you’re always wearing.”

Fenris stepped closer and Cullen reached out to embrace the elf. Cullen’s heart was racing as he stared into those emerald green eyes. Fenris pulled himself flush with Cullen, which caused a twitch of arousal in the man. Cullen took a deep breath, trying to calm himself while leaning down to kiss the elf softly.

As soon as their lips met, all the tension in Cullen’s body dissipated and he relaxed into the elf’s embrace. Cullen lifted one hand to cradle the back of Fenris’ head, noting the silky softness of those snow white locks as he ran his fingers through the hair.

Cullen sighed as their lips parted and he smiled at Fenris and crooked his head towards the table. “We better eat, or the kitchen staff won’t feel their efforts were appreciated.”

Fenris nodded in agreement and they both went to sit at the table. The food looked wonderful, as Cullen poured Fenris a glass of wine. At first they ate in companionable silence, just savoring the food before them, and giving each other shy glances.

“You know,” Fenris began, breaking the silence. “I always thought you looked ridiculous in that skirt the Templars always wore.”

Cullen barked out a laugh. “They are a bit ridiculous, aren’t they? I never understood why the Chantry insisted on warriors wearing them.”

“Whenever we had to fight Templars in Kirkwall, I found it easy to make them trip over their own skirts,” Fenris recalled with a snicker.

“If the Templar Order still existed in any real capacity, I’d make the recommendation to change the Templar uniform to Seeker Cassandra and Divine Victoria,” Cullen said. “However, it seems rather pointless now.”

“Indeed,” Fenris agreed. “Anders dream of freedom for mages has finally come to pass. I hope he’s happy with the result of everything he wrought.”

“Why did Hawke let him live?” Cullen asked, curious.

“Hawke always had a soft spot for the mage,” Fenris shrugged. “They had been best friends and I suspect they might have been more, if Hawke hadn’t been so single-minded in his pursuit of my affections.”

“You honestly think Hawke would have bedded Anders?” Cullen asked, surprised.

Fenris nodded. “I’m quite sure of it. Anders was hopelessly in love with Hawke and resented my relationship with him.”

“That wasn’t in the Tale of the Champion,” Cullen said.

“Varric wouldn’t dare write about that,” Fenris said wryly. “I think Anders and I would both have taken great pleasure in preventing him from ever writing again if he had.”

Cullen chuckled as he took another sip of his wine and looked at Fenris. Talking with him just seemed so easy.

Fenris looked back at him with a quizzical look. “Do you…have any plans? For what you might do if the Inquisition ever disbanded?”

Cullen looked thoughtful for a moment. “You know; I hadn’t ever really thought about it. I’m not entirely sure what I’d do.”

“I feel the same, I have no idea what to do with my life,” Fenris nodded. “Being here gives me purpose.”

Cullen nodded. He hadn’t thought about it, but it made sense that the Inquisition would probably disband eventually. They had served their primary purpose, they defeated Corypheus and closed the Breach. Now they were mostly helping Ferelden and Orlais put the pieces back together while seeking out and closing the remaining rifts.

“Well, I hope I’m not rushing things when I say I’d like to include you in whatever we do, after this is all over,” Cullen said. “I really enjoy your company Fenris. I guess I hadn’t realized quite how… _lonely_ …I was before you arrived.”

Fenris reached out to take Cullen’s hand in his. “You also make me feel less lonely. I truly look forward to the moments we spend together each day. I hadn’t thought it would be possible, after all my grief, to dare risk my heart again.”

“And yet, here you are,” Cullen smiled.

“Here I am,” Fenris admitted.

Fenris rose and took Cullen’s hand, leading him to the padded bench that sat at the foot of his bed. “Before we go much further, I need to tell you some things. You need to know more about my past. These are difficult things to talk about, but…you need to know.”

Cullen took a deep breath and sat down next to the elf. “Alright. Tell me whatever you need to.”

“This…will be difficult to hear, so please bear with me,” Fenris said quietly, looking up at Cullen. “As I already told you, I am a former slave. You know that Danarius burned this lyrium into my skin, and that it gives me certain abilities.”

Cullen nodded.

“What you don’t know is what else Danarius did to me,” Fenris said, bowing his head in shame, a small shudder running through his thin frame.

“Oh, Maker,” Cullen could guess where this was going.

“No, please. I need to tell you,” Fenris said. “It has been weighing upon my mind all day and by not telling Hawke right away, it nearly ripped us apart.”

So Fenris told Cullen everything; how Danarius had made use of his body in every degrading way possible; how Hadriana had tortured him; how the use of his body had been traded for political favors, and how he’d often been the sexual centerpiece at parties that Danarius had hosted. The only one who had never defiled him had been Dorian, which Cullen was eternally grateful to hear. If Dorian had, even Mahanon himself might not keep Cullen from coming after the Altus.

Then Fenris related the story of having been left behind on Seheron, and given his first taste of real freedom. He hesitated before he told of how Danarius had come back for him months later, and his face burned with shame when he told how he killed the Fog Warriors who had taken him in.

“I killed them,” his voice said shakily. “All of them.”

“Oh, Fenris,” Cullen’s heart was breaking over everything the elf had been through. He reached out and took one of Fenris’ hands.

Fenris looked up into Cullen’s eyes then, relieved to see sympathy and not revulsion.

“That’s when I ran,” Fenris confessed. “When I realized what I had just done under my Master’s command, something finally snapped in me and I ran. I kept running for three years, until I made it to Kirkwall and met Hawke.”

“It must have been difficult for you to constantly be on the run,” Cullen sympathized. “You are a rather recognizable elf.”

“Don’t remind me,” Fenris said wryly. “The reason I told you all that is because you needed to know that. It will help make the next part easier to understand,” Fenris took a deep breath. “The first time Hawke and I were together, something about the act brought back memories for me. Memories of who I was before I received these markings. The memories were fleeting and it devastated me to lose them again. I walked out on Hawke that night. I kept away from him for three long years, until after we had finally taken care of Hadriana and Danarius.”

“I had been shocked when I had read in Varric’s book that there had been Tevinter Magisters in Kirkwall,” Cullen recalled. “Meredith would have been furious.”

Fenris nodded. “Indeed. However, I saved her the trouble and killed them myself.”

Cullen smiled. “Good.”

“So now you know everything,” Fenris said, letting out a sigh.

“Come here,” Cullen opened his arms, pulling the elf into an embrace. Fenris laid his head onto Cullen’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck. Cullen just held him for a while, gently rubbing circles on his back.

“So, you still want to be with me, even after everything I told you?” Fenris asked.

Cullen pulled him back and cupped the elf’s face in his large hands. “Yes, I still want to be with you.”

Fenris looked at him with wide eyes filled with emotion. Cullen smiled and kissed him again, soft and sweet. Cullen pulled Fenris in closer and they just lost themselves in each other for a while.

Cullen then leaned back and pulled something from his pocket. It was an old, worn coin. “My brother gave me this, when I left to join the Templar Order. It was to protect me and bring me luck. I…wasn’t supposed to have something like this. My faith should have been enough. But I think it may have been the one thing that helped keep me sane at Kinloch.”

Fenris looked at him with confusion.

“I…I would like you to have it,” Cullen said, placing the coin into Fenris’ palm. “I would like to think it would give you the same sense of protection as it gave me, if we should ever be apart.”

Fenris smiled and closed his palm around the coin. “Thank you.”

They finished off the rest of the wine, while enjoying each other’s company for a few more hours. Cullen wasn’t going to push Fenris for more than his company and a few kisses. After everything the elf had been through, Cullen understood that he had to let Fenris choose how fast or slow their relationship would develop.

As the evening became late, and Fenris began to yawn, Cullen helped the elf to bed, tucking him in. As he turned to leave, Fenris reached out, grabbing his hand.

“Would you stay?” Fenris asked sleepily. “I find myself not wanting to sleep alone.”

“Of course,” Cullen agreed. Slipping off his boots, he climbed into bed with Fenris, and the elf curled himself into the man and Cullen wrapped an arm around his slim shoulders.

“Good night, Fenris,” Cullen said softly, placing a kiss upon Fenris’ head before slipping into the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you enjoying this little fic so far? I'm still trying to keep the slow burn (for now). Please comment and let me know what you think!


	5. Love and Addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Fenris both realize their feelings for each other. Their broken pasts threaten their chance at happiness together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This rating goes up to explicit with this chapter. Heed the new tags.

As Fenris slowly awoke, he felt warm. Strong arms were holding him close to an equally strong body. For a moment his mind thought _Hawke_ , but no it couldn’t be. Then he realized the scent was wrong. It wasn’t Hawke’s spicy musk. Instead it was a sweeter scent, leather with a tiny hint of lyrium. _Cullen_.

Fenris slowly opened his eyes and looked at the face of the sleeping man next to him. Cullen looked positively beatific. Fenris couldn’t help reaching out and caressing his face. Cullen blinked his eyes open sleepily, looking at Fenris. “Good morning, sweetheart,” he said sleepily, the endearment rolling easily off his tongue.

Fenris’ heart skipped a beat. “I’m sorry, I hadn’t meant to wake you.”

“No, that’s quite alright,” Cullen yawned, stretching languidly beside him. “I think that was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages.”

Fenris sighed, curling himself into Cullen. “You know, I think it was for me as well.”

They held each other until the first bell for breakfast rang out. Then Cullen kissed the top of Fenris’ head and slowly extricated himself. They got up and made Fenris’ bed together, smiling and blushing.

Then Cullen headed over to his tower to change into his armor before meeting Fenris for breakfast. Naturally Josephine and Dorian had to join them, much to their mutual annoyance.

“So, how’d it go?” Dorian enquired.

They both blushed and smiled.

“That well? My, my,” Dorian teased.

“Was everything to your satisfaction?” Josephine inquired.

“It was perfect, Josie, thank you,” Cullen said gratefully.

“You are quite welcome,” Josephine smiled. “Let’s give them some privacy,” Josephine said as she stood and pulled Dorian away as he grumbled about wanting more details.

Cullen chuckled. “I know he means well but he can be quite the busy body.”

“Indeed,” Fenris laughed. “Danarius almost banned him from his estates when he wouldn’t stop trying to interfere with how I was being treated. It felt good to know that at least one person cared.”

“I enjoyed last night,” Cullen confessed, reaching out to touch Fenris’ hand across the table.

“I did as well,” Fenris admitted. “Waking up together was very nice as well.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Cullen smiled. “I do plan to continue to court you.”

“Are you now?” Fenris smirked. “I think I’d like that.”

***

Over the next few months, Cullen kept his promise. He would randomly surprise Fenris with small gifts. They would go for long walks in and around Skyhold. At least once each week they would dine privately in Fenris’ quarters.

During all this time, they never moved beyond just kissing and holding each other, and Cullen was surprised that it was more than enough. He would be thrilled to take it further, but it was entirely up to Fenris and Cullen realized he preferred his company and companionship far beyond anything sexual they could be doing.

Cullen slowly moved into Fenris’ quarters. They both agreed they slept better together than apart and so, more often than not Cullen would sleep in Fenris’ bed. In fact, he slept there so often they began to refer to it as their quarters and their bed, and the thought of that drove a little thrill through Cullen the first time Fenris had referred to them as such.

Cullen knew how deeply his feelings ran for Fenris, and they continued to grow until one morning as he lay in bed, looking down at the sleeping elf, he realized he was in love. Cullen wondered if the elf would ever feel the same. They hadn’t really discussed their feelings much since their first tentative words to each other.

Cullen didn’t know where this would all lead, but he was hopeful Fenris would remain in his life for a long time to come.

***

Satinalia arrived and festivities were planned throughout Skyhold. The kitchens were busy preparing for the feast that was planned and everyone was running around trying to buy gifts for their friends and lovers.

Fenris’ feelings had also deepened towards Cullen, and one morning as he was watching the strong, powerful man take the recruits through their training exercises, the word _Amatus_ came unbidden in his thoughts. He had fallen in love with the man.

Fenris still couldn’t believe he could get so lucky twice in his lifetime and now he wanted to show Cullen how much he meant to him. Satinalia felt like the right time to confess his feelings.

Fenris wanted his Satinalia gift to be absolutely perfect, but he wasn’t sure exactly what would convey his feelings. He finally had an idea and headed down to the Undercroft one afternoon after the daily training sessions to speak to Dagna.

Fenris explained his idea and Dagna had instantly begun rushing around and gathering items and telling him she’d have it ready for him the day before Satinalia. Fenris was bemused by her enthusiasm but was happy he finally had an idea for a gift.

The day before Satinalia Fenris returned to the Undercroft and picked up the gift for Cullen. When Dagna showed it to him, it was perfect. He couldn’t wait to give it to Cullen and people gave him bemused looks as he walked through the great hall with an uncharacteristic smile on his face.

***

Cullen and Fenris joined the Satinalia feast with the rest of those still in residence at Skyhold. While their numbers had diminished some since the defeat of Corypheus, they were still a force to be reckoned with, and with appetites to match.

The Inquisitor sat at the main table with Dorian at his side. As the food began to be served he stood, raising his goblet, quieting the room.

“I would like to welcome you all,” Mahanon began. “Both new friends and old. We have come a long way since Haven. We’ve been through the void and back together, and that has made us a family. Let this celebration mark another year together, and let us also remember those of us who are no longer with us.”

The entire hall echoed with the cheer of “ _hear, hear_!” before everyone sat and began feasting on the food that had been set before them. 

At the mention of those no longer with them, Fenris’ breath hitched and Cullen reached out to take his hand, comfortingly. Fenris looked up at the handsome warrior and nodded that he was okay. He didn’t think of Hawke as often anymore, his thoughts now more pre-occupied with Cullen. He no longer sought Hawke in the Fade as he slept, knowing after that one night months ago, that Hawke had let him go and was allowing him to move on.

Fenris no longer doubted his feelings for Cullen, and tonight when they exchanged their gifts, he hoped Cullen would understand.

***

Cullen and Fenris walked arm in arm back to their quarters. They had never tried hiding the fact they were courting and all of Skyhold was used to seeing the two walking together, often holding hands.

Once in their quarters, Cullen poured them each a goblet of wine before taking Fenris’ gift from its hiding location. Fenris also went and got his gift for Cullen and they sat themselves on the bench before the fireplace.

Cullen was blushing furiously and Fenris gave him a bemused smile, curious now as to what his gift was. Cullen first handed Fenris the wine goblet. Cullen raised his and made a simple toast. “To us.”

Fenris chuckled and inclined his head and took a long drink of the wine, enjoying the warmth and fruitiness of his favorite vintage.

As they set their goblets aside, Cullen handed Fenris his gift. “This is our first Satinalia together, and I wanted to give you something meaningful,” Cullen explained as Fenris began opening the package. The package was surprisingly large and quite heavy. It made Fenris blush and feel a bit inadequate about the small box he had for Cullen.

Once he’d gotten the package open Fenris’ breath hitched. It was a completely new set of leather armor, with a metal chest piece emblazoned with the symbol of the Inquisition.

“It’s beautiful,” Fenris exclaimed, relishing the smell of new leather. “Although, you know I won’t be able to use it in an actual fight.”

Cullen grinned. “Actually, you should be able to. I had Dagna study your armor a few times when you were in the baths and she’s confident she was able to imbue this set with the same properties. It should work fine with your lyrium ghost abilities.”

“So…that means…I can finally rid myself of the armor Danarius had made for me?” Fenris practically whispered.

“Yes, Love,” Cullen answered, not realizing the endearment had passed his lips until Fenris’ startled expression. “Oh Maker, that’s…that’s not quite how I wanted to tell you…”

Fenris blushed. “Open your gift please, and then we can talk.”

Cullen took the small box and unwrapped it. Inside he found a beautiful amulet carved with intricate runes. “Oh my, what is this?”

“I know since we’ve been sharing a bed, your nightmares have been less,” Fenris explained. “However they get worse when we are apart. If you wear this amulet, the enchantments in it should help keep the nightmares away.”

“It’s perfect,” Cullen said, slipping the chain around the amulet over his head. “I’ll wear it always.”

Cullen then scooted closer to Fenris, pulling the elf into a kiss. “Happy Satinalia,” he breathed between kisses.

“Happy Satinalia, _Amatus_ ,” Fenris said, smiling into the kisses.

Cullen pulled back and looked at Fenris. “Okay I don’t speak Tevene. What does Amatus mean?”

Fenris looked up shyly through the long white fringes of hair. “It roughly translates…it means… _beloved_.”

“Oh Fenris,” Cullen sounded relieved. “I’ve been agonizing over how to tell you how I felt for weeks now. I was afraid…”

Fenris shut Cullen up with a kiss. “I’ve been agonizing over the same thing.” Fenris’ heart was beating hard and fast in his chest and he took a deep breath. “I am in love with you Cullen. I was just watching you during training exercises one morning and I just realized it, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready…if we were ready. I am ready now.”

“Fenris, Love…I have…I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with you…I just know that I do. Love you,” Cullen sighed. “Maker, it feels good to say it.”

Fenris leaned in for another kiss, this time deepening it, slipping his tongue over Cullen’s lip as Cullen parted his mouth in silent invitation.

Fenris groaned as Cullen cupped the back of his head gently and he looked up at the man with lust blown eyes. “Cullen, I want you.”

“Are you sure, Love?” Cullen asked gently. “I’m perfectly fine never going farther than this.”

“I am sure I want you,” Fenris acknowledged. “Right here, right now. I haven’t been more sure of anything in a long while.”

Cullen smiled happily and kissed Fenris more passionately as he scooped up the elf into his strong arms and carried him over to the bed.

Cullen slowly removed every piece of Fenris’ clothing, reverently kissing every unmarked inch of skin as it was revealed, slowly mapping the elf’s body with his mouth.

Fenris groaned and tangled his hands in Cullen’s thick curls, relishing the feel of his soft, warm lips against his skin. He needed this. It had been so long since he’d lain with anyone and he missed feeling the touch of another.

Hawke had shown Fenris what it was like to be made love to, not just used as Danarius had done. Because of Hawke, Fenris understood how to give and take pleasure from someone he loved. Now that he knew that he loved Cullen, he wanted to experience everything with him.

Fenris watched as Cullen stood and removed his own clothing before crawling back up next to him. Fenris’ eyes looked at Cullen’s arousal eagerly. It made him feel wanted to know that the man was already so hard for him.

Fenris turned and they both groaned as their cocks slid against each other. Cullen cupped his face gently with one hand as he leaned in to kiss the elf again, gently at first, but with growing need.

Cullen traced his lips along Fenris’ jawline before taking the elf’s sensitive earlobe between his warm lips, causing the elf to arch his body into his, causing another mutual groan of pleasure.

“Tell me how you want me,” Cullen purred into his ear. Fenris’ heart fluttered, knowing even now Cullen held himself back from just taking his pleasure. That he had to not only be a willing participant, but also given the choice of the manner of their coupling. Even Hawke hadn’t been that considerate their first time together.

Fenris looked at Cullen. “I want you to take me. Make love to me. Make me yours. Please, Amatus.”

Cullen descended on his lips again, kissing him almost reverently. “Anything you want, my Love. Do you have anything here to help…?”

Fenris smirked and reached his hand beneath his pillow and drew out a vial of oil, pressing it into Cullen’s hand. Cullen chuckled, realizing that Fenris had been hoping for things to proceed in this manner all day.

Cullen poured a little of the oil onto his hand and he reached out and grasped Fenris’ length, smiling down at how Fenris bucked his hips into the touch. “Were you half-hard and aching, thinking about lying with me, all day?”

Fenris nodded, whimpering at the pleasure of his cock being slowly stroked.

“I’ll admit I’ve been hard and aching, thinking about you, for months now,” Cullen growled. “I want you so much.”

“Then take me already,” Fenris gritted out. “Stop being such a tease.”

Cullen chuckled again and ran his oil slicked hand over the elf’s balls, and then teasing his perineum before finally circling a finger around the elf’s puckered flesh. Adding more oil, Cullen kept massaging gently until Fenris was squirming and whimpering.

Cullen then slowly began to push his finger into Fenris and the elf sighed with pleasure. As Cullen slowly pumped his finger in and out of his lover, he kissed him tenderly. Slowly more fingers were added until Cullen had three sliding in and out, gently stretching him. Then Cullen grinned against Fenris’ lips as he crooked his fingers against the elf’s prostrated and chuckled when Fenris arched his back and moaned in ecstasy.

“Please, Cullen…Amatus…want…need, please,” Fenris begged.

Cullen shifted himself then and slowly removed his fingers. He placed Fenris on his back and lifted his hips to place a pillow beneath them. He then kneeled between Fenris’ spread thighs and placed the elf’s legs over his shoulders.

Fenris was looking up at Cullen with a mix of love and lust as he lined up his leaking cock and slowly breached him. Cullen kissed Fenris deeply as his cock slowly slid inside the hot sheath of his lover. Once fully seated he paused, relishing the tight heat, tangling his tongue with the elf’s.

“Please, Cullen, move,” Fenris gasped between kisses, and Cullen happily complied, dragging his cock slowly out and back in again, making love to the slender warrior beneath him.

Fenris’ markings began to glow faintly as his pleasure built and it was the most beautiful thing Cullen had ever seen. He felt the thrum of the lyrium, could almost hear its song calling to him. He bent his head to lick one of the glowing marks, and he felt the tingle of lyrium against his tongue. Lost in the ecstasy of the moment, Cullen didn’t even realize when he latched his mouth over the marking on Fenris’ collarbone and began licking and sucking on it as if his life depended on it, all the while fucking into Fenris with more fervor.

It wasn’t until Fenris’ markings came to life, bright and cold in the darkened room, and Fenris was shoving him off, that Cullen realized what was happening. Cullen quickly scrambled away from Fenris, horrified. “Oh Maker, I’m sorry…” Cullen stuttered and saw the fear in the elf’s eyes. “I’m so, so sorry…I didn’t realize…I’m…”

Fenris was curled into himself at the opposite end of the bed, the mark on his collarbone an angry red against his dusky skin, with droplets of blood dripping from it.

Cullen scrambled off the bed, threw on his breeches and shirt, and fled out into the night.

***

Fenris isn’t quite sure what had happened at first. Cullen had been so sweet, so gentle, so…loving. Then without warning he was sucking his collarbone painfully while pounding into him harshly…not unlike how Danarius would often take him. It made Fenris panic and he shoved the larger man off of him before curling into himself in fear. He feared retribution and punishment for daring to…

No. He wasn’t a slave anymore, and Cullen wasn’t trying to make him into one. Fenris slowly got up and went over to the mirror he had hanging on the wall. He looked at where Cullen had been sucking and…apparently biting. It was right over a large swirl of one of his markings.

It was the lyrium. Cullen was still drawn to it despite not having taken it for so long. He had been addicted to it for well over ten years and he probably always would be to some degree.

Fenris sighed. He was ashamed of his fearful reaction to Cullen’s actions. He hadn’t meant to react like that but in the moment his mind just reacted to the brutality it thought it was being subjected to.

Fenris walked over to where he’d left the armor that Cullen had gifted him and ran his fingers over it lovingly. He still loved Cullen, but clearly they had some things to still work out between them.

Fenris donned his new armor and went out into the night to go after Cullen. He found him huddled up in his loft, a sobbing mess, sitting in a corner on the floor, hugging his knees.

“Amatus, I’m sorry,” Fenris said as he walked towards his lover. “I reacted badly to what was happening. I didn’t mean for you to run off like that.”

“But…what I did…unforgivable,” Cullen hid his face in his arms.

“That’s not up to you, and I do forgive you,” Fenris sat in front of Cullen, reaching out, only for Cullen to flinch and pull back.

“No. I can’t forgive myself,” Cullen sobbed. “I…I thought my cravings for lyrium were finally under control…but when I heard it sing to me…I just couldn’t help myself.”

“Cullen,” Fenris said, this time reaching out and grabbing Cullen’s arm. “Look at me, please.”

Cullen looked up through red rimmed eyes and gasped when he saw Fenris wearing the armor he’d given him.

“Cullen, I know how had lyrium addiction can be,” Fenris said. “I remember Samson when we were back in Kirkwall. I also remember Danarius using it in experiments on other slaves. You have nothing to apologize for. I should have known that you’d be drawn to my markings like that.”

“But I made you fear me,” Cullen whispered. “I never want you to fear me.”

“I wasn’t afraid of you,” Fenris reassured. “I was fearing the memory your actions invoked. Once I came back to myself I realized what had happened and I came to find you.”

“I’m so sorry Fenris,” Cullen apologized again, fresh tears falling.

“Come back with me, let’s talk in front of the fire, and share some wine,” Fenris suggested.

“Alright,” Cullen agreed. “Maker knows I could use a drink after all that.”

They made their way back to their quarters and sat talking until the sun came up. Fenris held the former Templar close to him and told him over and over that he forgave him.

When they were finally too exhausted to speak anymore, Fenris carefully removed his new armor and took Cullen back to bed, where they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

They still had a lot to work out between them, but Fenris wasn’t about to give up on their new found love just yet.


	6. Resolution and Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris and Cullen finally find a resolution to their intimacy problems, when the Inquisitor calls on Fenris to join in on a dangerous covert operation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. Unfortunately, the day after I posted the last chapter, my husband passed away. I've been struggling with that over the past few weeks but a finally getting back into writing.

A few weeks later and Fenris began to get frustrated as Cullen still shied away from any intimacy beyond kissing and snuggling together at night.

Fenris was determined to get Cullen past what had happened. The elf longed for Cullen in a way he hadn’t known since Hawke and their lovemaking had been so perfect until his markings had come to life, beckoning Cullen with its song.

Fenris once again found himself sharing a bottle of wine with Cullen after dinner, and after a couple of goblets they were again kissing passionately, tongues intertwined, hearts beating fast. Fenris reached out to grope Cullen’s hardness when the former Templar pulled away, grasping his wrist. “I…I can’t Fenris. I’m sorry.”

Fenris stood up then and growled. “When will you stop pushing me away?” Fenris yelled in frustration. “I love you and I want you and I can’t take this anymore!”

Cullen hung his head in shame. “I know. I’m so sorry. Maybe…maybe I should go. Maybe it’s best I go back to sleeping in my own quarters again.” He rose and began making his way towards the door.

Fenris growled even louder and ran in front of Cullen, blocking his path. “No! Stop running away! Stop pushing me away!”

“I’m just afraid of what I’ll do if we try…I hurt you Fenris,” Cullen sighed. “I never want to hurt you again.”

“Then let’s find another way,” Fenris said softly, cupping Cullen’s cheek. “Together.”

“How?” Cullen asked.

Fenris paced for a moment, before looking at Cullen with a wicked grin. “I think I have an idea.”

Cullen looked at Fenris curiously.

Fenris regarded him for a moment. “Strip for me, Amatus,” he requested before turning to get something out of the chest he kept in the corner of the room.

Cullen looked puzzled but complied, removing his clothing and folding them neatly upon the bench.

Looking over his shoulder Fenris shook his head. “All of it, your smalls too.”

“Are…are you sure, Love?” Cullen asked, swallowing thickly.

“Yes, now hurry up and lie on the bed when you’re done,” Fenris instructed.

Cullen removed his smalls and his socks as well, before lying himself down upon the bed. Fenris made his way over towards Cullen then, grinning as he held up the lengths of rope he’d fetched. Fenris chuckled at the noticeable twitch Cullen’s cock made when he saw the rope.

“I will bind you to the bed, Amatus,” Fenris explained. “Then I will make love to you and you won’t be able to harm me.”

“Oh Maker,” Cullen breathed. “Yes, that’s perfect.”

Fenris proceeded to tie Cullen’s arms to the headboard, looping the rope around his wrists securely. He then placed some pillows under Cullen’s hips before similarly securing his legs to the bed.

“You look good like this, Amatus,” Fenris purred. “All laid out for me to take.”

Cullen made a small moaning noise as he watched Fenris slowly remove his own clothing, his arousal springing forth as he slipped slowly out of his tight leggings, causing Cullen’s arousal to twitch again and fill fully.

Fenris grabbed the vial of oil from the table next to the bed before crawling up between Cullen’s legs. He set the vial aside for a moment as he crawled up over Cullen and lay down over the larger man, pressing their lips together.

Cullen moaned as Fenris deepened the kiss while lowering his hips and sliding their cocks together. Fenris took his time, just kissing and slowly rutting against Cullen. Gradually he trailed his lips along Cullen’s jaw and down his neck, suckling upon his pulse point for a moment before kissing his way towards first one nipple, and then the other, licking and sucking them until they stood hard and stiff.

“ _Maker_ , you’ll be the death of me yet,” Cullen groaned, making Fenris chuckle as he laved over Cullen’s navel, causing the man to slightly arch his hips up.

Fenris then knelt between Cullen’s spread legs and eyed his erection with lust-blown eyes. The elf slicked his fingers and reached down past Cullen’s perineum, circling his tight opening, covering it with oil.

“Tell me, has anyone ever taken you here before?” Fenris queried.

Cullen shook his head. “No, never.”

“Are you willing to gift me your virginity tonight?” Fenris asked, his voice deepening with lust.

Cullen’s breath hitched as he nodded. “Yes, _Maker_ , please.”

Fenris then breached Cullen’s tight opening with one finger while simultaneously licking up the underside of the man’s cock, causing Cullen to groan and lift his hips.

Fenris placed his other hand firmly onto Cullen’s one hip. “Be still, _Amatus_ ,” Fenris said before taking the head of Cullen’s cock between his lips and slowly pushing his finger deeper into Cullen. Cullen tried to stay still as he moaned with pleasure.

Fenris slowly took more of Cullen’s length into his mouth as he began working the man open with first one and then two fingers, slowly stretching and scissoring. Cullen tried not to writhe under the elf’s ministrations and Fenris kept one hand firmly on Cullen’s hip to keep him from bucking up into his mouth.

Once Fenris had managed to get three fingers into the Commander he ran one finger along the man’s prostrate, causing Cullen to arch his back uncontrollably. “Oh, Maker that felt…I had no idea…”

Fenris smiled around the cock in his mouth as he slowly slid his mouth off. “Do you want more, _Amatus_?”

“Yes, Love,” Cullen said breathlessly. “Please, I need more. Want you inside me. Please.”

“You beg so beautifully, _Amatus_ ,” Fenris smirked as he withdrew his fingers and slicked up his own neglected arousal, groaning. “Now relax and breathe, don’t tense or this will be more painful than it has to be.”

Fenris then lined himself up and slowly began to breach Cullen’s tight ring of muscle. Cullen tried to breathed deeply but his breath hitched as Fenris slid in deeper. “Relax,” Fenris purred as he slowly rocked just the tip of his cock in and out. Once he felt Cullen relax again he pushed in further. He kept repeating this until he was finally fully seated inside of Cullen. He then leaned over and asked “Are you alright?”

Cullen nodded. “Just feels a bit strange, and so…full.”

Fenris smiled. “It will begin to feel good soon, I promise. You feel so hot and tight and wonderful.” The elf leaned down and captured Cullen’s mouth as he began to move, slowly sliding his cock out and back in, again and again.

Cullen keened when Fenris changed the angle and hit his prostrate on every thrust. Cullen’s hips began to meet each thrust eagerly and Fenris increased the speed of the thrusts until the slap of skin against skin echoed in their room.

Fenris pushed himself up, and began fucking into Cullen hard and fast, his brands lighting up as he neared his peak. Fenris knew Cullen could hear the lyrium song from his brands and he took his oil slicked hand and wrapped it around Cullen’s cock, stroking it hard and fast.

“Cum for me, Amatus,” Fenris growled.

Cullen keened again, and came hard, his seed splattering all over his stomach. Fenris used both hands then, to steady himself as he chased his own orgasm, slamming hard and fast into Cullen several more times before stilling, spilling his own seed deep inside his lover.

Once Fenris had a moment to catch his breath, he stood on shaky legs and released Cullen from the ropes that bound him, before collapsing on the bed next to the Commander.

Fenris’ brands were no longer lit, and so no longer a temptation to the former Templar. Cullen reached out and pulled Fenris close to him, peppering him with kisses. “Thank you, Love. That was amazing. Thank you for finding a way.”

Fenris relaxed into Cullen’s embrace. “I’m glad you so heartily approve. I’ll admit it was very arousing to see the mighty Commander of the Inquisition bound and completely at my mercy.”

Cullen smiled. “It was equally arousing to be at your mercy. Maker, what you can do with your tongue…”

Fenris surprised Cullen then by turning and capturing his mouth again, and showing him exactly what else he could do with his tongue.

***

The next morning a knock came to their door just as Cullen and Fenris were preparing to start their day. Cullen went to answer it. “Commander! Sir the Inquisitor requests your and Fenris’ presence in the war room, at once!”

“Alright, tell the Inquisitor we’ll be there shortly,” Cullen grumbled at the early morning intrusion.

Unabashed, Cullen and Fenris made their way towards the war room hand in hand. Upon arriving Mahannon urgently gestured for them to come closer.

“I have a rather urgent mission that I believe requires Fenris’ unique talents,” the Inquisitor began. “There’s a nest of Venatori holdouts causing trouble just north of Orlais. I plan to put together a party and leave mid-morning. I’m sorry to steal him from you Commander, but it can’t be helped.”

Mahannon then went over every detail of the mission with them. Besides Fenris, Dorian and Krem were to be included. “Krem, and not the Iron Bull?” Cullen asked.

“Yes, besides myself I think it’s best I only bring people from Tevinter with me,” Mahannon explained. “Don’t you agree, Dorian?”

“Yes, this is a rather delicate matter,” Dorian nodded. “It would be for the best, especially since between myself, Krem and Fenris we will represent practically every level of Tevinter society. We will need that advantage in order to infiltrate the Venatori and see what they are up to before we route them.”

Cullen sighed and saw the wisdom of it. “I will go prepare immediately,” Fenris acknowledged when they had a solid plan in place. Cullen accompanied him and before Fenris went to pack, pulled the elf into his arms.

“This mission is potentially very dangerous,” Cullen said looking down at Fenris with worry. “I can’t bear the thought of sending you into danger, but I have no choice in the matter. Just try and stay safe. Come back to me, Love.”

Fenris nodded. “I will do my best, _Amatus_.”

They kissed deeply. “I love you, Fenris. Please don’t forget that.”

“I love you too, Cullen,” Fenris responded, kissing his lover briefly once more before pulling away and packing his travel bag for the journey.

Cullen watched the party leave from the ramparts for a good long while, until they could no longer be seen over the horizon. He sighed then and went back to his office, ostensibly to catch up on the paperwork that still seemed never ending. Although in reality he spent most of his time just staring at his desk and worrying.

***

Weeks went by and there had been little news from the Inquisitor’s party. It had been a stealth operation and so it was understandable that they wouldn’t be able to get many messages out.

Finally, after being several weeks overdue, the horn sounded that the Inquisitor’s party had been spotted approaching Skyhold. Cullen’s stomach had been worried into knots and he felt a sense of relief when he rushed to the battlements to watch their approach.

Cullen’s brow knit in confusion when he saw only Dorian riding, while Fenris and Mahannon walked beside him, with Krem being pulled behind…in shackles.

Cullen ran down to the gates to greet the party and as soon as they came through Dorian waved to Cullen. “Greetings Commander!”

At that Fenris, his head bowed, stepped forward towards Cullen, and instead of the expected embrace, sank to his knees.

“ _Et serviant tibi placet, Domine_ ,” the elf intoned in Tevene.

Cullen stepped back in shock, looking at Dorian in confusion.

“Ah yes, that. We have a lot to talk about, Commander,” Dorian sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation: Et serviant tibi placet, Domine = It will be my pleasure to serve you, Master


	7. Rediscovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finds out what happened to Fenris.

Dorian dismounted and made his way over to the very confused Commander, whispering in his ear. “ _I’ll explain everything, but for now instruct Fenris to go with one of the scouts up to your chambers and get some rest._ ”

Cullen nodded and looked down at the kneeling elf. “Fenris, stand up please,” he commanded and Fenris obeyed, keeping his eyes down. “I want you to go with Jim to our quarters and get some rest. I’ll join you shortly.”

Fenris bowed. “Yes, _Domine_.”

Cullen called Jim over and instructed him to take Fenris up to their quarters and make sure he lay down to rest.

Once Fenris was out of earshot Cullen looked at Dorian. “So can you kindly tell me exactly what’s going on?”

Dorian was about to speak when The Iron Bull came charging out. “What’s going on? Why is Krem in shackles?!”

“Oh, dear,” Dorian flinched. “I am sorry about that. Let me free him and then let’s all head to the Herald’s Rest so we can explain.”

Mahannon gave Dorian a very stern look. “Alright, alright. So _I_ can explain,” Dorian sighed.

***

Dorian took a long drink from the foul tasting ale he ordered, calming his nerves as the Iron Bull, Cullen and Mahannon stared at him with thinly veiled anger.

“In my defense, may I say that this wasn’t at all my fault?” Dorian began.

Mahannon shook his head. “No, Dorian. You may not have caused this but you should not have played along. I believe the Iron Bull will have to visit us in our quarters later.”

Dorian swallowed thickly and nodded. He understood what that meant. He’d disappointed his love and he was going to be punished for it. So be it. He definitely deserved it.

“Stop stalling and tell me what happened to Fenris!” Cullen growled.

“Alright, alright,” Dorian sighed. “We had infiltrated the Venatori camp, but Fenris was quickly recognized and before any of us could react he was hit with a spell. A blood magic spell.”

“ _Maker_! No!” Cullen breathed. “What…what did they do?

“As far as we can tell, it erased his memories. His last memory was of being in service to Danarius, perhaps a year or so after the ritual that gave him those markings,” Dorian explained. “After we told him that Danarius was dead, he immediately assumed I was his new Master. I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t but he became irrational and violent. When I started to play along, he calmed down.”

“Tell them what playing along meant to the rest of us,” Mahannon prompted indignantly.

“I am so sorry for that, _Amatus_ ,” Dorian apologized.

“Tell them!” the Inquisitor ordered.

Dorian hung his head in shame. “It meant that Mahannon had to play the role of my body slave, and Fenris assumed Krem was a Tevinter deserter that we’d captured.”

The Iron Bull roared in anger. “You chained up my Krem for _THAT_?! You’re not going to be able to sit on that pretty ass of yours for a month!”

Dorian visibly shuddered at the threat.

Cullen took a deep breath. “So, Fenris, doesn’t remember anything from the last…what is it? Eighteen years or so?” Cullen asked.

Dorian nodded. “He only has about a year’s worth of memories. He still can’t remember anything from before the lyrium was burned into his skin, and he can’t remember beyond a year after that either.”

“So he can’t remember running? Being free? Killing Danarius? Hawke? Or me?” Cullen asked incredulously, ashamed at the fact that tears were threatening to crest as he tried to blink them back. “Is there anything that can be done?”

“I don’t know,” Dorian shook his head. “I will check through our library, but I suspect the reversal spell lies somewhere in Tevinter, and will most likely require more blood magic to undo.”

“You’re not going back to Tevinter, Dorian,” Mahannon said sternly. “ _You promised_.”

“I know, _Amatus_ ,” Dorian said. “I don’t plan to go back, at least not as long as the Inquisition remains intact. But if I ever do go back, I will make Fenris my top priority.”

Cullen sat in stunned silence for several moments. “Why in Maker’s name did he kneel before me?” Cullen finally thought to ask.

“Because I told him that I was gifting him to the Commander of the Inquisition,” Dorian explained. “I do not want to keep pretending to be his Master, and I thought perhaps your presence might eventually help him regain his memories.”

“I am not pretending to be his _Master_ either!” Cullen growled.

“I didn’t think you would,” Dorian said plainly. “I rather hoped for it, in fact. Talk to him. Explain everything. Tell him of his life in Kirkwall. Tell him of Hawke. Tell him of everything that happened to him since he arrived at Skyhold all those months ago. Perhaps a spark of his old self still remains. Where there is a spark, it could easily be a fire fanned into flame.”

Cullen nodded. “Well, I can now hardly expect for him to share a bed with me, so perhaps I should move back into my loft.”

Mahannon shook his head. “No, he won’t understand sleeping in such large quarters alone, not at first. Let me talk to Josephine, we can outfit the loft in your quarters with a bed and other necessities and Fenris can sleep there for now.”

“Alright, that would make me feel better,” Cullen acknowledged. “At least he’ll be close by.”

“Don’t push him, Commander,” the Inquisitor warned.  “He’s still in a fragile state-of-mind.”

“Right, understood,” Cullen nodded. “I should go check in on him.”

“Yes, that would be for the best,” Mahannon replied. “Dorian, go wait for us in our quarters. You know how I expect to find you when Iron Bull and I get there.”

Dorian nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“Good boy,” Mahannon smiled wickedly, winking at Iron Bull.

***

Cullen slowly opened the door to their quarters and saw Fenris sleeping soundly on their bed. He smiled, noting how he still looked the same as he slept. Cullen resisted the urge to climb into the bed with Fenris and just hold him.

Cullen stirred up a fire in the fireplace and poured himself a goblet of wine, and waited for Fenris to wake. An hour later a knock came on their door, and Fenris startled awake, realizing Cullen was there. Without hesitation he immediately got off the bed and knelt beside it.

Cullen sighed as he got up and opened the door, to let in the workmen who had brought the bed and other essentials to outfit the loft above.

Cullen opted to let Fenris continue to kneel until the loft had been set up properly.

After the men left, Cullen finally spoke to the elf. “Fenris, come with me up to the loft,” Cullen instructed. Cullen climbed up first and Fenris was quick to comply.

“For now, this is your space,” Cullen explained. “This is your bed, and this chest is for you to store your belongings. There is a chamber pot in the corner for your use and a wash basin as well. Everything here is for your use and you do not need to ask permission first. Do you understand?”

Fenris bowed. “Yes, _Domine_.”

“Alright that’s the first thing we’re going to change,” Cullen sighed. “My name is Cullen. Before you lost your memories you used to call me Cullen or _Amatus_.”

Fenris’ eyes went wide at the Tevene word, shocked by the implication.

“Dorian said he tried to explain to you that you had lost your memories. Do you recall that?” Cullen asked.

Fenris nodded. “Yes, Dom…Cullen.”

“We’re going to talk, you and I,” Cullen explained. “We will talk about a great many things. Perhaps it will eventually spark a memory in you. But know this, Fenris. _I love you_. I love you so very much. Before you left on the mission with Dorian, Krem and Mahannon, we said that to each other. I wish you could remember, and I hope one day you will.”

Fenris shook his head, stepping back. “No. No, I only met you for the first time today. How can you possibly love me?”

“No Fenris. You and I met in Kirkwall years ago,” Cullen said softly. “We weren’t friends there, but we knew each other. I will tell you more when you are ready but one thing I will tell you, each and every day, is how much I love you.”

“Master Danarius said he loved me,” Fenris whispered.

Cullen knelt in front of Fenris, causing the elf to shrink back until his legs hit the edge of his new bed, causing him to sit.

“I know this is all confusing,” Cullen said, hanging his head in order to hide the tears that began to slide down his face. “I was so worried while you were gone. I missed you so much…”

The next thing Cullen knew, Fenris had crawled over towards where he knelt and dared to reach out and cup Cullen’s face, lifting it. “Why do you cry, Cullen? Have I done something to displease you?”

“No Fenris, _Maker_ , no,” Cullen said quietly, holding one of his hands over Fenris’. “I’m just sad for having lost the love of my life, despite the fact he’s right here in front of me. It’s breaking my heart.”

Fenris looked at him confused. “I don’t understand, Cullen.”

Cullen chuckled. “I know you don’t, Love. We still have much to discuss.”

Fenris knitted his brow in confusion at the endearment, but let it pass.

“Let’s go get some food,” Cullen suggested. “We’ll sit in our usual spot. Maybe that might trigger some memories?”

Fenris nodded and followed Cullen back down the ladder and down towards the Herald’s Rest. When Cullen went to sit, Fenris’ instinct was to kneel beside him and Cullen put an immediate stop to that, instructing Fenris to sit in the seat opposite of him at the table.

Cullen ordered Fenris’ usual meal and a cup of the house wine. The elf kept his head bowed, staring at the table. Cullen reached out and took one of his hands in his, just holding it. At first, Fenris flinched at the gesture but allowed it.

Varric came in then and strode over being his normal jovial self, slapping Fenris on the back. “Hey Broody! When did you get back? Hey there Curly! I’d heard you two had a thing going on now. Congratulations, lover boy!”

Fenris immediately crouched down, looking at Varric fearfully.

“What? Is it something I said?” Varric asked, looking at Cullen with confusion.

Cullen shook his head. “I didn’t know you were coming back for a visit. _Maker’s breath_ , I’m glad you’re here,” Cullen said, relieved. “I’m guessing you haven’t heard. Fenris had been out on a mission against the Venatori and was hit with a blood magic spell. He’s had his memories taken. He still thinks it’s still 9:26 Dragon.”

“No shit,” Varric breathed. “So you still think you’re a slave, Broody? Man, that’s gotta suck.”

Fenris looked confused and looked pleadingly at Cullen.

Cullen smiled warmly. “Fenris, this is our friend Varric. You used to spend a lot of time with him back in Kirkwall. He’s a good friend.”

Fenris looked even more confused. “Friend? Slaves don’t have friends.”

“You’re not slave anymore, Fenris,” Cullen reminded him patiently. “You haven’t been a slave for at least sixteen or seventeen years now. By the time you reached Kirkwall, you had been on the run from Danarius for three years.”

Fenris shook his head. “I…I just don’t remember.”

“It’s alright,” Cullen said. “We’ll do everything we can to help you remember, and if you can’t, we’ll just start over. Alright?”

Fenris nodded.

Their food was soon brought out and Varric joined them, ordering a pint of ale and regaling them of stories from their time in Kirkwall.

Fenris listened politely as he tentatively took a taste of the food. A pleasant smile came across his lips at the taste. “I don’t recall ever eating anything so good. My former Master only fed me gruel.”

“It was your favorite meal here,” Cullen said with a smile. If Fenris still liked the same things, then perhaps all was not lost. The Fenris he knew and loved was still in there in some capacity. If his memories couldn’t be restored at least this was a place to start.

***

Later that evening Cullen brought up a bottle of wine and asked Fenris to sit with him by the fire. He poured them each a goblet. He made sure to get Fenris’ old favorite, Aggrigio Pavali.

Fenris stared as Cullen served him a goblet and then took a tentative sip and hummed appreciatively at the flavor. “Thank you, this is very good but should I be serving you?”

“First, that’s another of your favorites, and second no you should not be serving me,” Cullen explained and then looked wistfully into the fire. “You and I used to sit here for hours, talking while we went through at least one or two bottles of this wine.”

“Please, tell me, what did we talk about?” Fenris asked, feeling emboldened by both the wine and the very pleasant company he found himself in.

That night they sat up until dawn as Cullen told Fenris of the many things they used to discuss, recounting some of his favorite bits of their conversations. When dawn broke the poor elf was too exhausted to climb up to his loft to sleep, so Cullen picked him up and laid him down into his bed.

Cullen was again tempted to curl himself up around his love and just hold him close, but he didn’t want to take any liberties. So he resigned himself and climbed up to the loft and collapsed onto the bed that had been set up for Fenris, falling it a fitful sleep.


	8. Injustice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Fenris find a way to work together. Then the unspeakable happens.

Cullen woke the next morning with Fenris kneeling dutifully next to his bed, head bowed. Cullen sighed, realizing he hadn’t made as much progress as he thought he’d had the night before.

“Fenris, Love,” Cullen said softly. “Please stop kneeling like that. You really don’t need to.”

“I’m sorry, Master,” Fenris apologized. “I fell asleep in your bed. I am prepared to receive my punishment.”

“No, no, no,” Cullen said as he got up and slid to the floor next to Fenris. “I’m not your Master and I’m not going to punish you. I put you into our bed last night and I didn’t want to take advantage of you so I came up here to sleep.”

“Our bed?” Fenris asked quietly.

“Yes, Love,” Cullen sighed. “Remember how I told you yesterday, before you went on your mission with Dorian, Krem and Mahannon? Remember how I told you that you and I were…well, we were lovers. Fenris, sweetheart, I love you. Please remember that I told you that yesterday.”

Fenris nodded. “I remember. Danarius also said he loved me. Don’t all Masters love their slaves?”

“No Fenris, Masters don’t love their slaves in the same way lovers do,” Cullen explained. “Fenris, you’re free. You’re not a slave.”

Fenris looked up at Cullen, blinking his bright green eyes. “I’m free? Then…what do I do? I don’t know how to be free.”

Cullen smiled. “I’ll show you.”

The rest of that day, Cullen guided Fenris through his normal routine at Skyhold, including training of the troops. Thankfully Fenris still retained enough of his skill and memory from thr daily training Danarius had granted his erstwhile bodyguard to effortlessly slide into the role of trainer. Apparently wielding a two-handed weapon had always come naturally to the elf.

***

That evening at the Herald’s rest as they sat down to dine, Cullen noted how gingerly Dorian sat down when he joined them at their table. Cullen couldn’t help the smirk that came to his lips and Dorian noticed, wincing as he adjusted himself on the hard wooden bench.

“Yes, laugh Commander, by all means,” Dorian scoffed. “Make fun of the poor ‘vint who had to be punished because your lover lost his memories.”

“For what it’s worth,” Cullen replied. “I am sorry. I’m sure Fenris would be too, if he were himself.”

“Would you be sorry, Fenris?” Dorian asked rhetorically.

“I…I am sorry Master Dorian,” Fenris replied automatically.

Dorian and Cullen sighed simultaneously.

Fenris then looked up at Dorian, and uncharacteristic of his slave persona, boldly asked a question. “Why were you punished, Master Dorian?”

Dorian and Cullen exchanged glances. “Let me try to explain,” Cullen began. “You see, the other elf, Mahannon, he isn’t actually Dorian’s slave. He’s our leader. He’s the leader of the entire Inquisition. Dorian is his lover and because of you Dorian had to pretend Mahannon was his slave. The Inquisitor didn’t take kindly to that and had Dorian punished for it.”

Fenris’ eyes grew wide. “Mahannon is…the leader? Here?”

Dorian and Cullen both nodded in the affirmative. “I told you,” Cullen explained. “You are free. Mahannon is free. All the elves here in Skyhold are free.”

Fenris got up then and fled the tavern. Cullen began to get up to go after him when he felt Dorian’s hand on his arm. “Let him go. He needs time to work this out on his own. He may not remember the past eighteen years, but he needs to come to accept his freedom.”

“You’re right,” Cullen sighed, sitting back down. “So, I see the Inquisitor and the Iron Bull were merciless with you last night.”

Dorian blushed red. “Yes, that they were…and a marvelous time was had by all.”

Cullen laughed and ordered a round of ale for himself and Dorian.

***

Later Cullen went back up to their quarters, carrying the customary bottle of wine _just in case_. Cullen entered and saw that the fire had been lit, and his bed was turned down.

“Fenris?” Cullen called up to the loft. Cullen heard some shuffling but no reply. He set down the bottle and removed his armor before climbing up to the loft. He found the furnishings had been rearranged and Fenris sat cross-legged on the bed, cleaning his sword.

“Fenris?” Cullen began tentatively. “Did you light the fire and turn down my bed?”

Fenris nodded without looking up from his task.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Cullen said sincerely. “You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it.”

Fenris looked at him. “I know you keep telling me that I’m free. You tried to show me today what I did here before I lost my memory, but…being a slave is still all I remember until I woke up surrounded by strangers. I don’t know how to be anything else. Please, let me serve you. I want to serve you.”

Cullen looked at Fenris sadly. “Alright Fenris, if it will make you happy. But you’re not my slave, I won’t stand for it. I will pay you a salary for serving me and you can continue to earn your income from the Inquisition training those men every afternoon. Does that sound fair?”

Fenris nodded. “Thank you…C..Cullen.”

“If saying my name is still difficult, you can refer to me by my title,” Cullen suggested. “Commander.”

Fenris smiled at that and nodded. “Yes, Commander.”

“Care to join me for a goblet of wine before bed?” Cullen asked.

“Let me finish this first, please,” Fenris responded, nodding towards the sword in his lap.

“Yes, of course,” Cullen smiled. “You always did keep that in good condition. No reason that should change now.”

***

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Soon nearly another year had gone by and Mahannon received word that an Exalted Council was to be called to decide the fate of the Inquisition.

Fenris’ memories had not returned but he easily formed new ones, slowly learning what it meant to be a free elf. He continued to live with Cullen, acting as his personal servant when he wasn’t busy training Inquisition forces.

“Fenris, we have to talk,” Cullen stated one evening, as Fenris served him his evening goblet of wine, pouring one for himself as well.

“Yes, Commander?” Fenris asked as he sat beside Cullen.

“Have you heard the news about the Exalted Counsel?” Cullen asked. Fenris shook his head. “Well, representatives from Orlais and Ferelden will be meeting with the Inquisitor and the Divine to determine the fate of the Inquisition.”

“What does that mean?” Fenris asked, furrowing his brow.

“It means that the Inquisition could be disbanded,” Cullen explained. “If that happens, would you be willing to travel with me, Mahnnon and Dorian back to Tevinter? We may find a way to restore your lost memories.”

“You really want me to have my memories back, don’t you, Commander?” Fenris said rhetorically.

Cullen nodded. “I miss you so much, my Love. I miss sharing your warmth in bed. I miss kissing you. I miss so much of who you were before those memories were taken from you.”

“I’m sorry,” Fenris sighed. “I keep offering to help warm your bed, but you keep refusing me.”

“That’s because you’re offering out of some sense of obligation,” Cullen said softly. “Not as a willing lover. I only take willing partners into my bed.”

“What…what if I said I was willing?” Fenris asked, peering up through the white fringe of his bangs.

“Oh, Love, I wish that were true,” Cullen sighed. “But you still act far too subservient for me to believe it. The fire of your spirit is still missing.”

“May I at least offer to let you hold me when you need to?” Fenris offered. “I think I would enjoy that.”

Cullen sighed. “Alright, then come here, sweetheart.”

Fenris came over and allowed Cullen to pull him into an embrace, laying his head against the Commander’s shoulder.

Cullen stroked the elf’s back gently, nuzzling into his soft, white hair. “Oh, _Maker,_ I missed this. I miss you so much.”

When Fenris pulled back and looked at Cullen he saw tears streaming down the Commander’s face. Fenris reached up with one hand and wiped the tears from one cheek. “Please, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t remember. Please, don’t cry.”

“It’s not your fault, Fenris,” Cullen said softly. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry for falling apart like that. I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. None of this is your fault.”

“I know, but I’m sorry that you are so sad about this,” Fenris said. “I like you. You’ve been far kinder to me than Danarius ever was.”

Cullen smirked. “That’s because you’re not my slave. You have the same rights and freedoms as I do. I have no right to abuse you like that bastard did. _Maker_ , he had no right to do it either, Tevinter laws be damned.”

“I know,” Fenris said. “I just wish I remembered all these things you’ve told me about that I’ve done. I wish I remembered Kirkwall and Hawke and even Anders.”

“Well, maybe if we can finally go to Tevinter, we can find a way to help you,” Cullen said. “Until then you will just keep having figure out how to be free with the memories you do have.”

“I wish I could love you back,” Fenris sighed. “I see how much you love me but I don’t know how…I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Fenris,” Cullen replied. “I understand.”

“I…did like it when you held me just now,” Fenris continued. “I truly would be willing to let you do that tonight, if you wanted.”

“I…I don’t know. Maker, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” Cullen said hesitatingly.

Fenris blushed. “I get cold up in the loft. I think I would be warmer if we shared your bed.”

“ _Maker bless you_ , Love,” Cullen said. “I truly haven’t slept well since that last night you and I shared a bed before your mission. I would love it if you joined me. Only to sleep, of course, nothing else.”

Fenris nodded and leaned back into Cullen’s embrace. Cullen idly fingered the material of Fenris’ armor. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you, this armor you wear? It was the first Satinalia gift I ever gave you.”

Fenris looked down at himself. “I had wondered why it was different from the armor Danarius made for me. It’s very nice, thank you. Did…I give you anything?”

Cullen smiled and pulled out the amulet he always wore. “You gave me this. You had it enchanted to keep away my nightmares when you and I are apart. It’s helped me more than you can imagine over this past year.”

Fenris reached out and touched the amulet, feeling the thrum of magic just beneath his fingers. “Why do you suffer from nightmares?”

Cullen sighed. “That’s a story for another time, Love.”

Fenris nodded his understanding.

After finishing the bottle of wine, they readied themselves for sleep and Cullen crept under the covers of his bed and lifted them for Fenris to join him. The elf blushed again before crawling under the blankets and settling himself next to Cullen’s solid warmth.

That night, Cullen had the best night’s sleep he’d had in over a year.

***

The Exalted Council went about as badly as it could have, not being helped at all with the Qunari and Solas both plotting against them. After the Inquisitor lost his arm, he seemed outwardly defeated. The Inquisition was officially disbanded, and they made their way back to Skyhold to make preparations. It took another six months to shut down their operations and go their separate ways.

Dorian had left for Tevinter immediately after the Exalted Council in order to secure his father’s estates and take his place in the Magisterium. Mahannon promised to join him as soon as he was able.

Joint Orlesian and Ferelden forces came on the last day to take charge of Skyhold. Once the formal hand-off was made, Mahannon, with Cullen and Fenris in tow, mounted the horses that Master Dennet had gifted them, and they began the long journey towards Tevinter.

They had opted to go via land because neither Mahannon nor Fenris liked the idea of a long sea voyage. It would take them several months but as they made their way north the weather became increasingly milder. Mahannon spoke with Dorian nearly every night through the crystal, updating him on their progress.

They had, of course, encountered their share of bandits and slavers, but between the three of them they easily fended them off. Despite his lack of memories, Fenris was still quite the force to be reckoned with.

As they neared the end of their journey, they were able to see the spires of Minrathus in the distance. The great city had only one way in or out and they soon found themselves surrounded by other travelers on the main thoroughfare into the ancient metropolis.

However, as they passed the guards by the main gates they were immediately detained.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Cullen asked, stepping forward as the only human in the group, knowing how elves were still perceived in the Imperium.

“Your slave, Ser,” the guard explained. “He is to be detailed immediately on site. He’s wanted for the murder of his former Master.”

Cullen’s face blanched. “There must be some mistake. We are here to visit an old friend, Magister Dorian of House Pavus.”

“You and your other slave may go, but this one must be brought immediately to the Magisterium,” the guard explained. “We are orders from the Archon himself.”

Then turning to the elf in question. “Fenris, slave of the late Magister Danarius, you stand accused of fleeing your Master, and for his murder. You are to be taken immediately to the Magisterium where you are sentenced to die by hanging.”

“No!!” Cullen cried as the guards shackled Fenris and dragged him away.

More guards held Cullen and Mahannon back, and Fenris didn’t even put up a fight. He just let them take him, hanging his head, but before he was dragged out of sight he looked up at Cullen with tears streaming down his face.


	9. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian, Cullen and Mahannon make preparations for Fenris' trial, when their one witness runs into foul play.

As soon as the guards released Cullen and Mahannon, they made their way towards the Magisterium, while Mahannon called Dorian on the sending crystal.

“Dorian!” Mahannon spoke into the crystal. “Dorian, we’re in Minrathous, where are you?”

“ _I’m heading towards the Magisterium, Amatus_ ,” Dorian replied. “ _We’ve all been summoned to an emergency session_.”

“I know why you’re being summoned, Dorian,” Mahannon said grimly. “It’s Fenris. They took him into custody. They plan to execute him. Today.”

“ _Oh my, I didn’t think that warrant was even still valid_ ,” Dorian said. “ _I’ll make haste and see what I can find out. Call me again when you arrive so we can find each other. I’ll do what I can to delay the proceedings_.”

“Alright, we’ll hurry as well,” Mahannon replied. “See you soon.”

Mahannon and Cullen moved through the crowds of pedestrians and carriages as quickly as they were able. The Magisterium was at the center of the city and they didn’t want to waste time.

As they neared their destination, they began hearing whispered conversations about Fenris having been caught, and the promise of a very public execution. Cullen was grateful for the lessons in Tevene that Dorian had given him over the last few years. He couldn’t make out everything that was being said, but it was enough.

Once they arrived at the Magisterium, Mahannon contacted Dorian again through the sending crystal and they were able to find each other. Dorian immediately grabbed and hugged the elf. “I am so pleased to see you, _Amatus_ ,” Dorian said before looking apologetically at Cullen. “Despite current circumstances.”

“What have you learned?” Cullen asked.

“You were right, they plan to execute Fenris immediately. They’ve set up the gallows for it and everything,” Dorian sounded dismayed. “Usually there is a trial first, and I have been pushing for that already. Some of my compatriots agree with me, but some have been vehemently in favor of immediate execution. I suspect those were the Magisters that were complicit with Danarius’ treatment of Fenris and don’t want the truth to come out.”

“What are our options?” Mahannon asked.

“I can, and will, put forth a motion to delay the execution until we can hold a trial,” Dorian said. “Come let’s hurry. I’ll show you where you can sit. As former Inquisitor and Commander of the Inquisition, you both may also have some sway in the argument, but let me speak first.”

Cullen and Mahannon followed Dorian into the main hall, which was a large circular room.  Dorian’s box had additional seats for guests. All around, in a nearly complete circle were other such boxes, each with a Magister and their guests. The circle broke in one spot where a large throne was situated. Cullen guessed that was where the Archon himself sat.

Looking down at the floor of the main hall, there was erected a gallows with a noose already prepared for the execution.

Cullen then gasped when saw Fenris, naked and trembling, his wrists and ankles cuffed and a heavy metal collar around his neck. He had been forced to his knees before the throne of the Archon, and was flanked by two guards who held lengths of chain attached to his collar. Cullen resisted the urge to just leap down there and whisk his love away from all this madness, but he knew it would be fruitless. Not when surrounded by some of the most talented and best trained mages in all of Thedas.

The Archon then stepped out and seated himself upon his throne. Despite his advanced years, he still stood tall and Cullen could see he must have been quite handsome in his youth. What surprised Cullen was the kindness he saw on the Archon’s face. He had expected a man with the same cruel eyes he had glimpsed from more than one of Dorian’s compatriots. However, the Archon actually looked like he might actually have some compassion. Unfortunately, Cullen reminded himself, looks could easily be deceiving.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Magisterium,” the Archon began and the room fell to a hush. “Here before me kneels probably the most infamous slave in all of Thedas since Shartan himself. You all know the famous experiment that Danarius did, branding pure lyrium to his flesh. I am still amazed how well this simple elf can bear it, after all these years.”

A murmur of approval rippled throughout the large room.

“We also know,” the Archon continued. “That this slave escaped his Master and had been at large for nearly nine years before Danarius located him, in the city of Kirkwall on the Waking Sea. It was there, where Danarius met his demise at the very hands of this powerful slave that he, himself, had created.”

This time a murmur of disapproval rose around the room.

“Slave,” the Archon said, addressing Fenris. “You stand accused of escaping and running away from your Master, and of the murder of your Master, Danarius, and of his apprentice, Hadriana. How do you plead?”

Fenris shook his head, but kept it lowered, as he continued to tremble.

“Speak up, Slave,” the Archon said.

Fenris lifted his head and looked at the Archon and said more loudly. “I don’t know. I don’t remember!”

“What is the meaning of this?!” the Archon bellowed. “How can you not remember killing your own Master?”

Fenris shrugged. “My memories were taken from me over a year ago. I am told it was a blood magic spell.”

At that moment Dorian lit a wisp and the Archon took note. “I recognize Magister Dorian of House Pavus. Do you have anything to add to this matter?”

“Indeed, I do,” Dorian acknowledged. “I was there when it happened. The Inquisitor, Mahannon Lavellen, Fenris, another warrior and myself were infiltrating a nest of Venatori. They unfortunately recognized Fenris and unleashed the blood magic spell upon him. When he awoke, he thought he was still in the service of Magister Danarius.”

“I see,” the Archon nodded. “So he cannot even recall escaping. That does complicate matters.”

Dorian spoke again. “I wish to invoke the Right of Trial in this matter. I don’t think it’s fair for Fenris to face execution without a trial.”

“What do you hope to gain from such a spectacle?” another Magister cried out. “We all know of the slave’s guilt!”

“Do we? I wish to show that, despite his lack of memory, Fenris had just cause to kill Danarius,” Dorian stated plainly. “I know there are those of you who wish to just execute him and sweep your own indiscretions under the rug, but this will also prove my point regarding all the reforms I have been trying to push since assuming my father’s place here.”

A roar of disapproval and several Magister’s cried out against Dorian all at once. The Archon let loose a fireball to get everyone’s attention.

“Based purely upon the vehement reaction here,” the Archon said calmly. “I have to agree with Magister Pavus that a trial is indeed necessary. I order the slave to be brought to the cells. He is to be bathed, clothed and fed and well treated. We will commence with a trial in three days’ time. I assume, Magister Pavus, you will act as defense for the accused?”

Dorian nodded. “Indeed I shall. May Fenris also be allowed visitation before the trial?”

The Archon nodded. “One supervised visit for one hour is granted on the morrow.”

“Thank you, Your Eminence,” Dorian bowed.

Fenris was then led away and Cullen breathed a sigh of relief. He would get to see Fenris for only an hour tomorrow, but at least he knew Fenris would be alright until the trial.

Once the Magisterium let out, Dorian asked for a guarded escort home, fearing assassination from any of the Magisters would now be none too happy that their misdeeds may soon be exposed.

***

Back at the Pavus estate, Dorian relaxed a little but instructed his servants to increase security throughout the estate. “They all cheered my return and they were damned surprised when I made them all Liberati and offered them a paid position in my household. Mother is still livid at the notion and she ran back to Qanarius.”

They were all very quiet as they ate dinner, and the Dorian led Mahannon and Cullen into his study. “Tomorrow, we need to make the most of that hour,” Dorian began. “We need to get Fenris to tell us about the abuses he suffered. All that he can remember at any rate. It will help solidify my claim that Danarius violated several laws and deserved to die.”

“What if they find witnesses who saw Fenris kill Danarius?” Cullen asked.

“Do you know who was all in that tavern with Fenris that day?” Dorian asked.

“Hawke certainly was there,” Cullen recalled. “I believe there was also Varric, Isabella and the Dalish elf, Merril. Oh and Fenris’ sister Varania. Danarius had used her to lure Fenris out of hiding.”

Dorian harrumphed. “Typical.”

“I believe Varania is a mage,” Cullen continued. “Fenris once told me that Hawke had stopped him from killing her too. She had willingly betrayed her brother for a chance to become a Magister’s apprentice.”

“I suppose blood isn’t always thicker than water,” Dorian sighed. “I would imagine they might call upon Varania if she can be found. I’ve also heard a rumor that Anders may be lurking about in Tevinter somewhere as well. He may not have been there, but based upon Varric’s book he and Fenris never liked each other much. If they can find Anders, they may use him as a character witness against Fenris.”

“Do you think I’ll be allowed to speak on his behalf?” Cullen suggested.

Dorian nodded. “I could call upon you as well. You had known him since his arrival in Kirkwall. That could also be valuable.”

***

That night Cullen slept fitfully, the first time in months without Fenris at his side. They had shared a tent the entire journey to Tevinter and Cullen missed having his warmth next to him.

The next morning, a bleary eyed Cullen was handed a cup of something steaming by a servant. Dorian smiled at him from under his always perfectly coifed hair. “That, my dear Commander, should have you right as rain. The servants reported to me that you’d been restless last night. This is Tevinter-style coffee. Much stronger and sweeter than what you southerners are used to, but I think it will do you a world of good today.”

Cullen nodded and took a sip. It was strong and sweet, and _Maker_ , it was _good_.   

After a quick breakfast they made their way back to the Magisterium, anxious to check in on Fenris. They were led to his cell where the poor elf sat in a corner, wearing a simple roughspun tunic and breeches, hugging his knees and staring at nothing.

“Fenris, Love,” Cullen said softly.

Fenris looked up at Cullen and a little bit of light returned to his yes. “Commander!”

“How have they treated you since yesterday?” Cullen asked.

“I was given the chance to bathe as the Archon instructed,” Fenris replied. “Then they gave me these clothes and some food. I have not been harmed.”

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief. “Dorian is going to prepare a defense for your trial. We only have an hour. Can you speak with him?”

Fenris nodded.

Dorian asked Fenris for as much detail as he could give about the abuses he suffered from Danarius. Cullen knew about most of them, although perhaps not to the level of detail as he was now being asked to describe them. It made Cullen want to hold the elf close and comfort him, but the bars of his cell separated them.

“Thank you Fenris,” Dorian said when they were done. “I think you’ve given me enough to show just cause in killing Danarius.”

Cullen moved back to the cell and Fenris crawled forward. Cullen reached through the bars and took Fenris’ hands in his. “Love, please be strong. I know you’re scared. We will fight to get you freed. We’ll do everything we can, I promise.”

Fenris nodded. “Thank you, Commander … Cullen. May I ask something of you before you leave?”

Cullen smiled. “Of course, you know you can ask anything of me.”

“Will you kiss me? I have wanted to for some time now and, just in case, this may be my last opportunity,” Fenris blushed.

“Alright. I’ll give you a kiss for good luck,” Cullen said, leaning closer to the bars separating them. It was difficult to do through the bars, but Cullen thrilled when he felt Fenris’ warm lips brush his own. He pressed as far as he could, although he couldn’t deepen the kiss the way he would have liked.

Then the guards came to lead them away and Cullen reached out and cupped Fenris’ cheek once before being pulled away. “Stay strong, my Love.”

Fenris nodded.

***

After their visit with Fenris, Dorian sent agents out to try and locate Varania and Anders, hoping they could be found somewhere in Tevinter. He also hoped against hope that perhaps Isabella may be close by as well. Varric was too far, still back in Kirkwall, and too busy as Viscount besides.

The next day they received good news, Varania had been found and was being brought to the Pavus estate. Cullen knew that things did not end well between Fenris and his sister, but he hoped that she might lend additional credence to their defense.

She arrived that afternoon and was escorted into Dorian’s study, where Dorian, Mahannon and Cullen awaited her.

“So, what’s this all about?” she asked. “Why has the great Magister Pavus summoned a lowly Liberati knife-eared mage?”

“I’ve asked you here, my dear,” Dorian responded firmly. “Because your brother is about to be executed and we’re trying to find a way to prevent that.”

“What’s Leto gotten himself into this time?” Varania asked. “Oh wait, he goes by _Fenris_ now, isn’t that right?”

“He’s bloody gone and had eighteen years of his memory erased,” Dorian growled. “Now he is about to stand trial for both Danarius and Hadriana’s deaths. For which I am to understand you are at least partially responsible for.”

“What? I had nothing to do with Fenris killing either for them!” Varania shouted.

“You helped to lure Fenris to the Hanged Man, to help Danarius recapture his prized possession, did you not?” Dorian asked pointedly. “If it hadn’t been for you, Danarius may have never found him, and so Danarius could still be alive.”

Varania hung her head and nodded. “Yes, I did help lure him there, that is true. Danarius had offered to make me an apprentice. My life had been terrible since Leto made that bargain to free mother and me.”

“He had no idea how your life would turn out,” Cullen said, speaking up. “He just wanted to help you both be freed from slavery. Then he endured having raw lyrium branded into his flesh, which wiped out his memories of his childhood and of you. Then he was physically and sexually abused for several years before he finally escaped. Now he stands accused of killing the man who tortured him. Will you help us or not?”

Varania looked horrified. “I…I had no idea that Fenris had suffered so. Danarius told me that Fenris had been his body guard, and his beloved and favored pet. I thought his life there had been good. If I had known…”

“So will you help us?” Dorian asked.

Varania nodded.

“Let’s start by telling us what happened in the tavern after Fenris arrived,” Dorian suggested.

Varania sat down and began to relate all she remembered, although the actual confrontation was a blur in her mind. Once the mercenaries Danarius had with him had been subdued, Hawke and his companions all attacked Danarius at once. The Magister was severely weakened and any of them could have struck the final, fatal blow. Fenris’ act of tearing the Magister’s heart from his chest could easily have happened after one of Varric’s bolts had struck him after his shield collapsed.

“Good, very good,” Dorian was pleased. “The trial is in a little over a day from now. Please meet us at the Magisterium and be prepared to tell the Archon what you just related to us.”

Varania agreed and left.

***

On the morning of the trial, everyone in the Pavus household awoke early. They were all nervous for the day’s proceedings. Dorian went over his defense several times, hoping that his case was strong enough.

If they couldn’t convince the Archon that Fenris’ motives in killing Danarius were just, the elf would hang immediately after the trial. Tevinter was nothing if not efficient in meting out what it considered _justice_.

When they arrived they saw, to Cullen’s dismay, the gallows still standing in the middle of the main hall. Fenris was once again kneeling before the Archon’s throne, clothed this time, with his hands manacled behind his back.

Varania had not yet arrived and Cullen worried that she either wouldn’t join them, or that she had decided to speak against her brother in the trial.

Just when it was beginning to look like Varania wouldn’t arrive, a messenger came and whispered into Dorian’s ear. The Magister blanched and Cullen knew it was bad news.

“What? What’s happened?” Dorian sat down, his face crestfallen. “They just found Varania’s body this morning. She had been raped, repeatedly, before being ritualistically bled.”

Cullen sat in stunned silence. _Maker_ , now what were they going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I"m sorry that I may be leaving you guys in suspense for a bit. I'm leaving for an annual business conference this weekend and I doubt I'll have time to finish up another chapter before I go. Sorry!


	10. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite setbacks, the trial against Fenris continues...

The Archon strode out, and sat himself upon his throne and regarded Fenris, small and trembling on his knees before him.

“Elf, look at me,” the Archon instructed, and Fenris looked up at him through his long white bangs that fell over his eyes. “Have any of your memories returned?”

Fenris shook his head. “No.”

“Very well,” the Archon acknowledged. “Magister Pavus, are you prepared to give your defense?”

Dorian stood and faced towards the Archon. “I’m afraid we’ve had a bit of a set-back. We had a witness who was there in Kirkwall when Fenris faced Magister Danarius. She was found brutally murdered just this morning.”

A gasp rose from parts of the main hall.

The Archon frowned. “That is troubling. Are there no other witnesses?”

Dorian shook his head no. “All the other eye-witnesses are unavailable at present. Viscount Varric of Kirkwall would take weeks to travel here. Admiral Isabella of Rivain is Maker knows where. The Dalish elf, Merrill is somewhere in the Free Marches, but we haven’t yet located her. Also, as you know, the Champion of Kirkwall, Garrett Hawke, perished in the Fade aiding the Inquisition.”

The Archon looked over at the Magister who had taken on the role of prosecutor against Fenris. Magister Ahriman, who once employed Varania as a mage apprentice in his household. “ _Typical_ ,” thought Dorian to himself. Ahriman was a known compatriot of Danarius.

“Magister Ahriman,” the Archon addressed the prosecutor. “Do you have any witnesses to call forth against the elf?”

“Not as such,” Ahriman inclined his head towards the Archon. “However, we have located an individual who knew the elf at the time. One who may shed some light as to the true nature of this elf.”

“ _Oh Dear_ ,” Dorian said quietly. “ _I have a bad feeling about this_.”

“Bring them forth and have them say their piece,” the Archon instructed.

Ahriman gestured to one of the guards who opened the door to the main hall and allowed a cloaked figure to pass through, walking over towards where Fenris knelt.

When the person raised their hood and revealed their face, Dorian heard Cullen’s sharp intake of breath next to him. “Anders!”

“That’s who I was afraid of,” Dorian sighed. “It’s no secret that he and Fenris had no love for each other.”

“Please, state your name and how you know the accused,” the Archon instructed.

“I am most commonly known as the mage apostate, Anders,” the mage said.

Fenris’ head snapped up at the familiar name. Surely he was only reacting to the name that Cullen had told him about, and not due to a memory.

“I was an acquaintance of Fenris when we were both in Kirkwall,” Anders continued. “We were both associates of Garrett Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall.”

“You were not present at the time the elf is accused of killing Magister Danarius?” the Archon questioned.

Anders shook his head. “No, I was too busy in my clinic dealing with another bout of chokedamp in Darktown at the time.”

“What were you told of the elf’s actions?” the Archon asked.

“I know that Fenris was tricked into coming to the Hanged Man that day by his sister,” Anders recounted. “Thankfully he brought Hawke, Varric and Merrill with him. I believe Danarius had the temerity to offer Hawke to buy Fenris back from him.”

“According to _The Tale of the Champion_ , it is said that you and the elf were bitter rivals,” the Archon stated. “Is this true?”

Anders laughed. “Oh we bickered like two squalling cats, that’s true enough,” Anders agreed. “But we didn’t hate each other. I certainly never hated him. I was jealous of his relationship with Hawke. _Maker_ , I miss that man.”

Dorian pulled Cullen towards him and whispered. _“This isn’t going nearly as bad as I had feared. I thought I remembered Fenris saying he hated Anders?”_

“Oh you know how Fenris likes to grouse,” Cullen chuckled. “They did bicker incessantly whenever I saw them together, but they also held a grudging respect for each other as well.”

Dorian noted that Ahriman was looking increasingly frustrated as his witness was slowly ruining his entire case against Fenris.

“Maker knows,” Anders was saying. “While I never had any love for Fenris, I always thought Danarius got what he deserved for what he’d done to the poor elf. Can you imagine how much pain he must have been in to receive those markings? I always felt bad for him just for that alone.”

The Archon nodded in agreement. “This is not quite the testimony I had expected to hear, but I appreciate your candor, Anders. Please remain in case there are further questions.”

Anders nodded and stepped to the side to wait.

“Magister Pavus,” the Archon addressed Dorian again. “As you have no witnesses of your own, are you prepared to make your case?”

Dorian cleared his throat. “While I do not have any eye-witnesses, I also have a character witness I wish to call forth, if I may?”

The Archon nodded.

“Then I call Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford. Former Commander of the Inquisition and Former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall,” Dorian announced. Cullen nodded and allowed himself to be led out of Dorian’s box and towards the doors that led to the floor of the main hall.

As Cullen entered, he had to suppress a smirk when he saw the look of sheer panic on Anders’ face. Apparently the apostate hadn’t heard about his arrival in Minrathous.

“Commander,” the Archon acknowledged. “Please state your relationship to the accused and say your piece in his defense.”

Cullen blushed at the word _relationship_. “I have been acquainted with Fenris since he first arrived in Kirkwall fifteen years ago. He was often in the company of Garrett Hawke whenever the Champion had business in the Gallows, where we had set up the Kirkwall Circle. I also encountered him at the tavern known as the Hanged Man from time to time as well.”

Cullen walked closer to where Fenris knelt, wishing to be closer to him. “We lost touch after the events with the Chantry in Kirkwall,” Cullen said, looking pointedly at Anders who looked like he would love nothing more than to shrink and hide into a very small hole. “Then after the Champion perished in the service to the Inquisition, Fenris came to Skyhold looking for answers and he eventually also chose to serve the Inquisition.”

“Is that how he lost his memories?” the Archon asked.

“Yes, your Eminence,” Cullen replied. “He was on a mission with the Inquisitor, Dorian and several others. They were attempting to route a Venatori stronghold that had decided to continue their plans without Corypheus. One of the mages hit Fenris with blood magic spell as soon as he recognized him.”

“Did you witness this?” the Archon questioned.

“No, your Eminence,” Cullen replied. “I had duties to perform at Skyhold and I was unable to accompany them on their mission. However, the Inquisitor was there.”

“Hmm,” the Archon nodded. “Continue with your testimony but I may wish to hear from the Inquisitor on this matter after you are finished.”

“Yes, your Eminence,” Cullen nodded, and cleared his throat. “Anyway, Fenris and I grew close before that mission and he shared with me many of the abuses he had suffered under the hands of Danarius. He bears no scars, other than his markings, because they were always fully healed. He told me of the constant beatings and rape that he suffered from Danarius and his associates, and sadistic torture at the hands of his apprentice, Hadriana.”

Cullen then detailed out several instances he remembered from what Fenris had told him. The murmurs and shocked gasps rose from around the main hall as Cullen described in vivid detail what Fenris had suffered at the hands of his former master.

“These accusations you lay forth are indeed egregious,” the Archon said sternly. “Those acts are enough to warrant Tranquility if they had come to light when Danarius yet lived. Would that there were eye-witnesses to this.”

Just then Dorian signaled his wish to speak. “I have just been informed that such a witness wishes to step forth, if they may?”

The Archon nodded and Cullen stepped aside, waiting next to Anders, who shifted very nervously next to the former Templar. _“Don’t worry Anders. I’m not a Templar anymore and mages are free now in the South, if you hadn’t heard. Stop acting like I’m about to make you Tranquil,”_ Cullen whispered.

Just then a small female elf was ushered onto the floor and she walked nervously in front of the Archon.

“Please speak, elf,” the Archon instructed.

“Thank you, your Eminence,” the elf bowed. “My name is Tilana, and I was once a slave in the service of Master Danarius. All the things that Commander Rutherford said before? Every word of it was true. I witnessed most of it first hand and heard about the rest from the other slaves who had been present.”

“Were you similarly abused?” the Archon asked with a note of sympathy.

Tilana nodded. “Yes, most of us in that house were, but Fenris, he got the worst of it. He was Danarius’ favorite, and it was never good to be his favorite.”

“I see,” the Archon nodded and looked at Fenris. “Fenris, I believe you claim to retain only about a year’s worth of memory of your service to Danarius. Is that true?”

Fenris nodded. “I think the first year I was in his service were probably not as bad. The abuses began slowly, several weeks after I received my markings. Some of the worst abuses they claim I suffered must have occurred during the time I cannot remember.”

“Can you share some of the abuses you do remember?” the Archon asked.

Fenris nodded again. “It all began when Master Danarius grew displeased with his body slave. I didn’t witness it, but the rumor was that the slave tried to say no, and Master Danarius beat him to death. The chamber maids complained for weeks about how much blood they had to clean.”

Fenris took a deep breath before continuing. “After that incident, Master Danarius began to pay more and more attention to me, complimenting my looks, touching me. Then a week later, he ordered me to join him in his chambers. That…that was the first time he forced himself on me.”

“Were you ever beaten?” inquired the Archon.

Fenris nodded. “I…did not please Master Danarius very well that first night. I cried out in pain and the next day I was chained to a pillar where he had me whipped and caned. Afterwards he had healers come and heal the wounds so they would not scar, but he instructed them to not soothe the pain.”

Anders hitched his breath at that revelation, the healer in him sympathizing for the poor elf’s plight.

“Thank you for sharing that with us,” the Archon said before looking up at the prosecuting Magister. “Magister Ahriman, do you have anything else to say in condemnation of the elf’s actions?” the Archon probed.

Ahriman rose and took a withering look around the room. “The elf, Fenris, clearly violated one of our highest laws. Regardless of his treatment, he had no right to run or murder his master and his master’s apprentice in cold blood. Your Eminence, you cannot ignore the law. The law demands that the elf hang for his crimes!”

“The law also states that exceptions must be made in cases where the accused has suffered from abuse at the hands of his master,” Dorian countered. “Slaves cannot say no. Slaves cannot fight back. Their only recourse is to either suffer continued abuse or attempt escape. When Danarius pursued Fenris unrelentingly for nine years, Fenris had no recourse but to kill the man when he finally cornered him.”

The Archon stood then. “I have heard enough. Magister Pavus is correct. The law does state that a slave accused of murder can be granted mercy based on compassionate grounds. This poor creature kneels trembling at my feet, having no recollection of the acts he is accused of. He cannot even speak in his own defense other than to recount long past abuses and enough others have come forth for me to see the truth of the matter.”

Ahriman looked livid.

“I know Magister Pavus has been pushing for more investigations into the rumors of such behavior among some members of the Magisterium,” the Archon continued. “I believe I see now that he is right and investigations will commence immediately.”

Magisters all around the hall broke out in cries, some in anger, others in victory. The cacophony was deafening until the Archon raised his staff and let fly a large fireball that burst in the center of the room.

“Enough!” the Archon roared. “First, Fenris, you are free to go. Guards release the elf and allow him to rejoin his friends. I declare him to officially be Liberati.”

As soon as the manacles were removed, Fenris ran to Cullen hugging the man tight, still trembling. Cullen held his love tight in his arms, whispering words of comfort into the elf’s ear.

Next to him Anders snorted and then winked. “Fenris always does seem to attract the handsome ones.”

Cullen chuckled.

The Archon then began to speak again. “Next, if one hair on the head of Fenris, Magister Pavus, or any of those who stood in testimony today, is harmed, I will route the entire Magisterium. They are all under my personal protection until the investigations have been concluded.”

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief at that. “Anders, won’t you join us for dinner? I want to thank you for your testimony today.”

Anders looked warily at Cullen. “Well, alright. I guess I would be safer with a former Templar around. Where are you staying?”

“With Dorian….er…Magister Pavus,” Cullen nodded at Dorian who was openly hugging Mahannon and grinning like a madman.

***

That night over dinner they all caught Anders up on the goings on in the South. Apparently he had remained in hiding all these years, still fearing for his life after fleeing Kirkwall. He hadn’t even known about the Breach or the threat from Corypheus.

Anders was genuinely pleased to hear the changes the Devine Victoria was making and rejoiced at the news that the Circles and the Templar Order were formally abolished, and in their stead would be a College of Enchanters.

“Do you think it’s safe for me to return home? To Ferelden?” Anders mused.

“Perhaps,” Cullen said. “But there are still some who blame you for everything that happened after you blew up the Chantry. You may find it safer to remain in Tevinter.”

“If you wish,” Dorian added. “I could help you set up a proper clinic for the poor here in Minrathus. Maker knows we could use one, more than ever if we finally manage to abolish slavery.”

“I would like that very much,” Anders smiled. “I miss helping people in my clinic. Cullen, did you really not know where it was? Not once did the Templars raid it.”

Cullen smirked. “Oh we knew where it was, but we didn’t let Meredith know. You were doing the Maker’s work by helping all the poor and sick down in Darktown. After everything you’d been through in Kinloch, I made sure you were left undisturbed. Also, Varric might have kept a contingent of Carta to keep an eye out for you as well.”

“Heh, good old Varric,” Anders mused. “I can’t believe he ended up as Viscount.”

“Neither can he!” Cullen laughed and Dorian and Mahannon joined in.

Fenris kept quiet, still traumatized by the events of the past few days.

That night Cullen held Fenris close as they shared a bed again after their forced separation. Fenris still couldn’t remember his past feelings for Cullen, but he knew he had begun to develop new feelings for the man over the past couple of years. Cullen made Fenris feel safe and warm and… _loved_.

With that thought the elf snuggled closer to Cullen and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from my conference and back to writing. I'm not sure how much longer this fic will be. I need to get it done so I can refocus my efforts on editing my novel. There will definitely be *at least* one more chapter. Maybe more depending on where my muse takes me.


	11. Clinic Duties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian explains what he's discovered regarding restoring Fenris' memories, and Anders gets his clinic set up.

The next morning Cullen came awake slowly, sensing the warmth from Fenris solidly against him. He opened his eyes to find the elf watching him intently.

“Good morning, my Love,” Cullen yawned. “Have you been awake long?”

Fenris shook his head. “You look very peaceful when you sleep, Commander.”

“Cullen,” Cullen corrected. “I know you don’t remember, but you used to call me Cullen.”

Fenris nodded. “I know, you have told me…Cullen.” Fenris began to tremble then, looking nervous for some reason.

Cullen drew the elf into his arms. “It’s alright Love. You’re safe now.”

“I…know. I am not nervous because of what happened,” Fenris whispered.

Cullen sat up then, looking at Fenris curiously. “What then? What’s troubling you Sweetheart?”

Fenris smirked at the endearment. “I came to realize something when we were parted,” Fenris confessed, his ears sinking down as a blush crept across his features. “I…think I’m in love with you, Cullen.”

Cullen’s breath hitched at Fenris’ confession. “Oh my Love,” Cullen breathed. “You cannot know how happy it makes me to hear you say that.”

Without hesitation, Fenris practically flung himself at Cullen, pressing their lips together. He had remembered the tentative kiss through the bars of his cell before the trial and he knew then he wanted to do _that_ again. Preferably often.

Cullen wrapped his arms around the elf as he deepened the kiss. There was no urgency as they both languidly explored each other’s mouths.

When Cullen finally pulled back to catch his breath, he looked down lovingly at Fenris. “ _Maker_ , I have missed this.”

Fenris nodded. “I know. I…know you wanted me to be sure about my feelings. I am sure now.”

Cullen cupped the elf’s face and drew him into another kiss.

Just as Fenris was reaching for Cullen, a knock came to their door. Cullen and Fenris quickly righted themselves before Cullen responded. “Come in.”

Dorian and Mahanon entered. “Rise and shine sleepyheads!” Dorian said cheerfully, which was uncharacteristic for him this early in the morning. “Join us for breakfast, we actually have much to discuss now that all that nastiness is behind us.”

“Discuss?” Fenris asked quizzically.

“Why yes. About the reason you’re even in Tevinter,” Dorian explained. “I’ve quite a bit of research on memory loss since I arrived and I may have some ideas.”

“Oh, yes,” Cullen blushed. “I had nearly forgotten about that with all the commotion the past few days. I’m just glad to have Fenris back, safe and sound.”

“Mostly sound,” Dorian corrected. “We’ll meet you for breakfast in half-an-hour and we can discuss what I’ve found out.”

Cullen nodded, while Dorian and the former Inquisitor left. Cullen turned to Fenris. “I never did ask you what you thought about all this, but let’s at least hear what Dorian has to say,” Cullen shrugged. “Ultimately, it’s your decision whether or not you want to try and restore your memories. Alright? No pressure. I will love you regardless of how many memories you have or you don’t have.”

Fenris blushed and nodded. “Alright, Cullen. I will hear what Magister Pavus has to say. Right now, I don’t know what I want. I know who I am now. I don’t know who I was then. I’m afraid to lose myself.”

Cullen smiled. “You may be a little bit more reserved than you used to be, but you still have the same good heart. At your core, I think you’re always the same, no matter what memories you have.”

Fenris relaxed a visibly at that. They quickly dressed and joined Dorian and Mahanon in the dining room. Anders was nowhere to be seen.

Fenris was still uncomfortable being served by others and kept flinching every time one of the elven servants came and placed food or refilled his cup.

“Now then,” Dorian began. “Since arriving here, one of my priorities has been to research a way to help Fenris to restore his memories.”

“Did you find anything useful?” Mahanon asked.

“Indeed I have,” Dorian replied. “There is some bad news, however.”

Cullen reached out to take Fenris’ hand, bracing for what the bad news was.

“First, I found the original spell used against Fenris,” Dorian began to explain. “I now know how to reverse it, which would restore the eighteen years of lost memories, from the time he’d been a slave in Danarius’ household. As I suspected, only more blood magic will undo it, unfortunately.”

Cullen squeezed Fenris’ hand. He knew how much Fenris had despised blood magic and blood mages in particular. He himself had no love for them after all the events in Kirkwall.

“How much?” Cullen gritted through his teeth. “How much blood is required?”

“Well that’s the good news,” Dorian said with a smiled. “Just a small amount from the person effected should do the trick. I don’t normally recommend blood magic, as well you know, but in this case it may be worth the risk.”

“You said ‘first’ earlier,” Cullen recalled. “Are there other solutions?”

“Well I also came across another spell,” Dorian took a deep breath. “This one is decidedly more involved, but it could restore all of Fenris’ memories. Including those he lost during the ritual that carved those lyrium markings into his skin. He would be able to recall his childhood and his family.”

“What is involved?” Fenris asked quietly, speaking up for the first time.

“Unfortunately it would require you going through physical torture,” Dorian explained. “Basically the spell requires you to be chained up and mercilessly beaten while a Magister chants the spell. Apparently the pain is required for the spell to work.”

Fenris visibly flinched at the thought.   

“No need to make a choice right now, Love,” Cullen smiled. “Take a while and think on it, alright?”

Fenris nodded.

“Have you both thought about what’ll do now?” Mahannon asked. “With the Inquisition disbanded, I plan to stay in Minrathous with Dorian until Solas makes his next move.”

Cullen nodded. “I think for now we should remain here as well, but I hadn’t made any plans beyond that.”

“Why not help me while I set up the new clinic?” Anders asked, strolling in. “I could always use a couple of body guards.”

“You wouldn’t mind having us around?” Cullen asked incredulously. “You know, with me being a former Templar and all?”

Anders smiled. “Now that I know you’re not here to arrest me and drag me back down south for a trial and a hangman’s noose, I would really appreciate your help,” Anders explained. “Besides, you were one of the few Templars from Kinloch I actually liked. You were far nicer to me than any of the others.”

Cullen bowed his head. “I joined the Templars to help protect people, which included mages. I also had no idea the abuses you mages were suffering at the time. I’ve come to learn a lot from the rebel mages we took in during the Inquisition. I am sorry for what was done to you and the others. It actually explained a lot about what happened…” Cullen faltered. “It helped me come to terms with what happened…to me.”

Anders took in a sharp intake of breath then, a sudden realization dawning on his face. “You…you were the one surviving Templar…from during the Blight? I’m sorry I never realized that had been you. The Warden-Commander told us what had happened to you. Cullen…I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you, Anders,” Cullen sighed. “Actually it was good that you escaped that last time when you did. It was only two days later when all void broke loose.”

“When I heard about it, I was so grateful to have gotten out of there,” Anders agreed. “I thought finally I might finally be truly free, but six months later the Templars still caught up with me anyway.”

“That’s when you were recruited as a Grey Warden, as I recall?” Cullen queried.

Anders nodded. “Yes. If it hadn’t been for the Warden Commander and King Alistair, I had a hangman’s noose waiting for me back at Kinloch.”

“Well, enough about all that,” Dorian declared. “Why don’t we go scouting to find a good location for your clinic after breakfast?”

***

After breakfast Dorian ushered them all into a carriage and headed towards the Liberati quarter. The population there had been growing steadily since Dorian had been pushing for reforms and freeing his slaves, hiring most back as servants in his household.

They walked around for several hours, surveying numerous abandoned buildings until they found one that Anders declared perfect. It was fairly central, it had enough floor space for many cots, and several rooms for privacy as well as storage.

“I’ll hire a crew to start working on renovations tomorrow,” Dorian said, pleased with himself. “You’re free to supervise all the work, of course.”

Within a week the clinic was up and running and Cullen smiled as he watched Anders work. He truly had a gift for healing and he felt a wave of shame come over him for how the mage had been treated.

Cullen and Fenris at first stood guard, making sure Anders was safe, but soon they began to offer to help beyond just bodyguard duty. So most days found them rolling bandages for Anders’ use, along with helping to chop and prepare herbs for potion making.

Fenris was eager and quick to learn, but Cullen was beginning to grow restless, not sure how much use he really was to the clinic.

***

They had been assisting Anders at the Clinic for nearly a month when the first attack came. It was in the evening, just before the clinic was due to close. Anders had just finished treating his last patient for the day and had seen her out. Before he was roughly pushed back inside the clinic with a squawk of alarm.

Cullen and Fenris reacted immediately, fending off the attackers, while Anders ran to grab his staff before joining the fray. Whoever they were, they weren’t Tevinter. What little skin Cullen could see through their armor and helmets was decidedly too pale.

They were in the heat of battle when all of sudden everything shifted and Fenris was grabbed. One of the attackers held Fenris from behind, aiming his blade for the elf’s throat.

“Hand over the mage or this elf dies,” the man said, with a distinctly Free Marcher accent.

“What do you want with Anders?” Cullen challenged.

“We’re here to finish the job you failed to do, _Knight-Commander_ ,” the man sneered. “We’re bringing the mage back to Kirkwall for his execution.”

It was then that Fenris practically roared, his brands flaring to life. He phased through the attacker’s arms and swiftly turned, plunging a gauntleted hand into the man’s chest, tearing out his heart.

Cullen hadn’t seen Fenris perform that maneuver since the battle against Meredith in Kirkwall years ago and it startled him momentarily. Then he and Anders took up arms again, fighting off the last of the attackers.

As they all caught their breaths, Anders looked around at the bodies and blood everywhere. “What a mess. I’ll have to keep the clinic closed tomorrow just to get everything cleaned up again. Thank you both for being here, or I’d be trussed up and on my way back to Kirkwall by now.”

Cullen glanced at Fenris, who had a stricken look on his face. “Fenris, Sweetheart, are you alright?”

Fenris looked up at Cullen then. “I remembered. For a moment I think I remembered everything, and now it’s gone again.”

Cullen strode over to the elf. “Oh _Maker_ , I’m sorry, Love.”

Fenris folded himself into Cullen’s embrace and after a several quiet moments seemed to come to a decision. “I want to do it. I want my memories back.”

“Alright,” Cullen nodded. “Do you know which of the rituals you want? How many memories do you wish to restore?”

“When you knew me before,” Fenris looked up at Cullen. “Did I ever express a wish to restore my childhood memories?”

“Honestly, you only mentioned them once,” Cullen recalled. “You told me about how the first night you spent with Hawke brought back your childhood memories in a flood, and that they disappeared again. Not unlike what you just experienced, I’m guessing.”

“Do you know anything about my life before Danarius?” Fenris asked.

Cullen reached out to stroke Fenris’ hair. “I know you had a mother and sister, and that you chose to partake in the tournament that led to you receiving these markings. You did it in order to receive a boon, which you used to free your family from slavery.”

“So, I must have loved them very much,” Fenris surmised. “Are they…still alive?”

Cullen pulled Fenris close again. “I’m afraid not, my Love.” Cullen chose not to elaborate, not wanting to hurt Fenris more with the knowledge that his sister had died for him.

Fenris took a deep breath. “Then I don’t know if I want to remember them. I think I just want the blood magic ritual to restore what that Venatori took from me.”

“Alright,” Cullen smiled. “You do know I love you, regardless of whatever memories you have, right?”

Fenris nodded. “I do, but that brief flash made me realize I do want these memories back. Please, Cullen.”

“Very well,” Cullen agreed. “Let’s talk to Dorian tonight over dinner.”

They both separated then and went to help Anders dispose of the bodies and clean up the worst of the blood before they all headed back to the Pavus estate.


	12. Blood Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian attempts a blood ritual on Fenris. Will it finally restore the elf's lost memories?

As Dorian led them into the ritual chamber in his estate, he asked Fenris for the hundredth time. “Are you absolutely sure?”

Fenris nodded. “Yes, I am sure. Why does it seem like you don’t want to help me?”

Dorian chuckled. “It’s not that. I’ve just vowed years ago to never, ever, _under any circumstances_ , perform blood magic. Also I seem to recall your personal aversion to blood magic and how you relished killing anyone who performed it,” Dorian admitted. “I can’t help feel a bit nervous that you’ll try and murder me once your memories have returned.”

“Don’t worry Dorian,” Mahannon assured the nervous Magister. “Cullen, Anders and I will protect you if Fenris goes into a murderous rage.”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Dorian joked.

“So,” Cullen said, looking awkwardly around the circular room. “Do all Tevinter Magisters have a ritual chamber in their homes?”

“Well of course,” Dorian said. “Where else would we perform all our ghastly magic? The dining room?”

Cullen gawked at Dorian for a moment, while Anders chuckled at the joke.

“My dear Commander,” Dorian continued. “While not all of us practice blood magic, I assure you there are other uses for a ritual chamber. I often used this very chamber as a lad to practice my magic as I was learning. You see ritual chambers are designed to contain any errant magic, keeping the rest of the house from being affected.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Cullen nodded. 

“Don’t you recall the special rooms we had in the Circle for magical practice?” Anders reminded Cullen.

“You’re quite right, I had forgotten,” Cullen acknowledged. “Although this room looks decidedly more sinister for some reason.”

“This chamber looks almost identical to the one Danarius had,” Fenris mused. “It’s just lacking the manacles hanging from the ceiling.”

“Well I don’t plan on having anyone here in manacles,” Dorian replied. “I prefer to keep that sort of activity for the bedroom.”

Mahannon blushed at that and Cullen pretended he hadn’t heard what Dorian had just said, although a blush crept into his face all the same. Fenris just looked confused and Anders laughed.

Dorian cleared his throat. “Now then, I suppose we should just get to it, as long as you’re still willing Fenris?”

Fenris nodded and climbed up onto the ritual table that stood in the center of the room. Dorian produced a dagger from his robes, inscribed with runes. “I honestly never thought I’d have to own one of these,” he sighed.

Dorian went to one of the shelves that lined the room and picked up a chalice, a mortar and pestle, and selected from several jars filled with dried herbs.

Dorian began to prepare the herbs, measuring carefully and then crushing them with the mortar and pestle before adding them to the chalice.

“Cullen, Anders, would you be dears and help with this next bit?” Dorian asked. Cullen and Anders stepped over as Dorian brought the dagger and an elongated bowl over to Fenris, who was looking noticeably more nervous now.

“Are you alright Fenris? You can still stop this if you wish,” Dorian said soothingly.

Fenris took a deep breath and shook his head. “No, I do want those memories back. I was just remembering the last time I lay on a table like this…and Hadriana….”

“Hush, Love,” Cullen said softly. “Hadriana is gone. Dead. Killed by your own hand. This is Dorian and you know he would never do anything to truly harm you.”

Fenris took another deep breath and nodded. “It helps that I’m not strapped down to the table. Thank you.”

“Of course. Willing subjects don’t require such barbaric treatment,” Dorian stated matter-of-factly. “Now then, Anders please have your healing spell ready, and Cullen, can you just help hold Fenris steady? It’s time for the bleeding.”

Cullen nodded, and began to stroke Fenris’ hair while Dorian took one of Fenris’ arms and rolled up his sleeve. With the dagger, Dorian made a very precise cut from elbow to palm, holding the bowl below the elf’s arm in order to collect the blood that began to flow freely. Once Dorian was satisfied he had enough, he nodded to Anders, who immediately began to heal Fenris’ arm to stop the bleeding.

Fenris remained almost perfectly stoic throughout, barely letting out a small whimper at the first cut of the dagger. Once Fenris was healed, Cullen went to the wash basin that was set out and wetted a cloth and cleaned up Fenris’ bloodied forearm, amazed to find no scarring beneath. “It will never cease to amaze me how completely you Spirit Healers can heal a wound. It is remarkable.”

Anders’ blushed at the compliment. “Coming from a former Templar, that is high praise.”

Dorian was back at the work bench, pouring the blood into the chalice with the herbs. Next Dorian began to chant the spell required and Cullen noted the deep purple swirl of magic emanating from the mage’s hands as they moved over the chalice.

Once completed Dorian brought the chalice over to the table. “Fenris, please sit up.”

Cullen helped the elf into a sitting position, letting Fenris lean back against him for support.

“The only thing that remains is for you to drink this, while I recite the final incantation,” Dorian explained. “I need you to drink every drop, and don’t stop drinking once you start. That’s critical, alright?”

Fenris nodded and took the chalice from Dorian. “Whenever you’re ready,” Dorian said softly.

Fenris looked up at Cullen. “In case this doesn’t work. In case this makes me forget you again…I love you, Cullen,” Fenris whispered. Cullen smiled down at the elf. “I love you too.” Cullen then leaned down and kissed Fenris quite thoroughly.

When they broke the kiss Fenris readjusted himself on the table and brought the chalice to his lips. “I’m ready.”

As Fenris tilted the chalice up and began to drink, Dorian began the final incantation. Fenris kept drinking, slow and steady. Cullen held the elf against him, trying to be a reassuring presence, while Anders and Mahannon looked on from the other side of the chamber.

As Fenris finished he last drop of the blood potion, he lowered the chalice as Dorian finished the incantation. Fenris’ lips were stained red from his own blood. He sat there, loosely held by Cullen. He began to blink rapidly as the chalice slipped from his grasp. Dorian caught the dropped chalice and went to rinse it and put it on it’s shelf. Just then Cullen cried out in alarm. “Fenris!”

Fenris had passed out in Cullen’s arms and was unresponsive.

“Don’t worry, I’m not surprised that Fenris passed out,” Dorian soothed. “I imagine all of his memories came flooding back all at once and that must have been overwhelming. Can you carry him? We should put him to bed for now so Anders can check on him and then let him rest.”

Cullen nodded, scooping the unconscious elf into his arms, Cullen carried him to their bedroom. Anders, Mahannon and Dorian followed.

Once Fenris was carefully tucked into bed, Anders came forward and checked on Fenris with his magic. “I think he’ll be fine,” Anders reassured Cullen. “He just shows signs of mental fatigue and a good long nap is exactly what he needs right now. It will help his brain process all the restored memories.”

Cullen nodded. “Thank you.”

***

Fenris slept for nearly three days and Cullen had remained by his side nearly the entire time. Dorian had food sent to him to make sure he ate and Anders would come by and sit with Fenris to allow Cullen time to take some time for himself. They wanted to make sure someone was there when Fenris finally awoke.

Cullen was resting on the bed next to Fenris when the elf finally began to stir. Cullen sat up, watching Fenris expectantly. Fenris groaned and put a hand to his head as he awoke.

“Hello, Love,” Cullen said, smiling. “How are you feeling?”

Fenris looked at Cullen, eyes squinted with pain. “Like my head’s been beaten with a large maul.”

Cullen handed the elf a cup with water, and the elf drank it down gratefully, before moaning in pain again.

“Let me get Anders,” Cullen suggested. “I think he can help with that.”

Fenris looked momentarily confused and then nodded.

Cullen went to find Anders, who was currently doing some research in Dorian’s extensive library. “Anders, he’s awake with a massive headache. Can you help him?”

Anders rushed back with Cullen to find Fenris sitting up, holding his head. “Hey there Fenris,” Anders said smiling. “Is it alright if I use my magic to take away your headache?”

Fenris looked at him and grimaced. “Do what you must, _Mage_.”

“Well there’s the Fenris I remember,” Anders chuckled as he reached out to soothe away the elf’s pain with his magic. Cullen saw Fenris relax under Anders ministrations as the pain faded.

Just then Dorian and Mahannon came in. “We’d heard that he was awake,” Dorian said. “How is he?”

“I’m right here, Dorian,” Fenris groused. “Don’t speak as if I’m not even in the room.”

“Oh, you are quite right Fenris,” Dorian capitulated. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Fenris huffed. “Thank you, Anders.”

“You’re welcome, Fenris,” Anders inclined his head. “And thanks for using my name.”

“Well don’t get used to it, _Mage_ ,” Fenris grumbled, before letting a wry smile cross his face.

“I get the feeling your memories have returned,” Dorian said. “How much can you remember?”

Fenris paused a moment, his eyes flitting back and forth. “I remember when Danarius put these filthy markings on me,” he began to recall. “I remember my years in Kirkwall, and finally killing Hadriana and Danarius.”

Fenris shuddered then. “I…I…remember Hawke,” the elf’s voice faltered, tears beginning to crest.

“Oh, Love,” Cullen pulled Fenris to him. “We did tell you that you would recall both happy and sad memories.”

Fenris nodded and looked up at Cullen, cupping the warrior’s face. “I remember falling in love with you. Twice. And that you never stopped loving me.”

“No, I never did, and I never will,” Cullen confessed, breathing a sigh of relief. “Thank you Dorian. You’ve done us a huge favor. Is there anything we can do to repay you?”

“You both can go live happily ever after,” Dorian said smiling. “That will be enough for me.”

“Well, for as long as Solas allows us to at any rate,” Mahannon said. “I don’t know when he plans to unleash his plan to destroy our world, but we need to be prepared for it.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Fenris nodded. “But I think I’d like some food before we go out and save Thedas yet again.”

Everyone laughed at that and they all headed to the dining room to have an early dinner. All throughout, Cullen doted on his Love, pouring him wine and feeding him tasty bits. “ _Amatus,_ ” Fenris sighed. “I am not a child; I can feed myself.”

“I know, Love,” Cullen acknowledged. “But I like doing things for you. Please. You were lost to me for so long.”

Fenris finally acquiesced and let Cullen feed him in between his own attempts at eating. After dessert, Cullen took Fenris’ hand and as he excused himself. “I think we’ll turn in a bit early. We have…um…quite a bit of catching up to do.”

***

Once back in their room, Cullen pulled Fenris into a very long overdue kiss. “ _Maker_ , I missed you.”

“But I was still with you,” Fenris teased.

“You know what I mean, Love,” Cullen chuckled. “I still loved you, regardless of what happened, but it just wasn’t quite the same.”

Fenris nodded. “I remember. I struggled a lot with my own emotions. A part of me had feelings for you from that first moment I saw you in Skyhold, after I lost my memories. I just didn’t know why I felt that way.”

“Well you’re back now,” Cullen said. “I’m so glad you decided to restore your memories.”

Fenris chuffed. “I still can’t believe I willingly let a _Magister_ perform a _blood ritual_ on me.”

Cullen laughed. “Neither can he. I think he’s still afraid you’ll rip his heart out for his troubles.”

“Well at least I can always hold it over his head,” Fenris smirked. “In case he ever decides to become an _Evil Magister_.”

Cullen chuckled before leaning in to kiss Fenris breathless.

Fenris moaned into the kiss. “It’s been so long, _Amatus_. I…I want you.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Cullen said as he nuzzled and kissed Fenris along his jaw towards his sensitive ears.

“Do you…have any rope?” Fenris asked.

“Rope?” Cullen asked, momentarily confused. His eyes lit up when he remembered the last time they’d made love and why rope had been necessary. “It’s been so long I nearly forgot. Let me go ask Dorian.”

Fenris nodded and Cullen rushed from the room. He found Dorian and Mahannon sharing a night cap in the library. “Um, Dorian, sorry to disturb you but I need to ask, do you have any rope?”

“Rope? My dear Commander, I had no idea you were so kinky!” Dorian winked.

Cullen blushed very red. “Well um, you see, between my lyrium withdrawals, and Fenris’ lyrium in his skin…”

“Oh, I see,” Dorian nodded in understanding. “You know, I may be able to come up with a solution for that, but it may take a few days. Until then…wait here a moment.”

Cullen waited awkwardly as Mahannon chuckled to himself and winked at the embarrassed warrior.

Dorian came back a few moments later holding out four leather cuffs and several lengths of rope. “This should suffice until I can help you overcome your issues with lyrium.”

Cullen blushed an ever deeper shade of red as he quietly thanked Dorian and fled from the room. He heard Dorian and Mahannon’s laughter nearly all the way back to their room.

Once back inside, he saw that Fenris had already divested himself of his armor and was lying on the bed, lazily stroking himself.

“Oh my, you are still so beautiful Fenris,” Cullen breathed as he dropped the cuffs and rope onto the bed.

Fenris looked at Cullen with a heat and hunger in his eyes that had been missing for so long. “I can’t wait to have you at my mercy again, _Amatus_ ,” Fenris purred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sexy-times cliffhanger (I'm evil, I know). I promise the next chapter will be entirely sexytimes between our two lovers.
> 
> The story is starting to wind down now (one or two more chapters at most), although at some point in the future I may add a part 2 to this if enough people continue to read/support this work.


	13. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Fenris reconnect after Fenris' memories are restored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song "Reunited" kept playing through my head as I wrote this chapter..."Reunited and it feels so good!"
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26J0uDIGErM

Fenris helped Cullen remove his clothing and instructed the man to lie in the middle of their bed. Then Fenris secured each leather cuff securely around Cullen’s wrists and ankles, and tied them to each post of the bed, so that the man was spread-eagled.

“You look so good Amatus,” Fenris said, his voice deep with lust. “So hard for me already.”

“Always, Love,” Cullen breathed. “You can’t imagine how I’ve been longing for you.”

“You were so good to me over the past couple of years,” Fenris purred as he reached for the vial of oil he knew Cullen kept in his nightstand. “So patient. I won’t tease you too much tonight. Not when I know you’ve been aching for me for so long.”

“I would bloody well hope not!” Cullen laughed. “Maker, you have no idea how much I’ve longed to be with you again.”

Fenris then took some oil and began to prepare himself. It had been nearly two years and wanted Cullen inside him more than might care to admit.

When Cullen saw what Fenris was doing he let out a sinful moan. “Fenris, are you sure? I’d be happy if you took me again, like last time.”

Fenris nodded as he straddled Cullen’s hips, and poured some oil over the man’s arousal. “Very sure,” Fenris purred as he gripped Cullen’s length in his hand, stroking and spreading the oil. Cullen bucked his hips into the elf’s touch, groaning obscenely.

Fenris then rose on his knees and grasped Cullen’s cock with one hand, guiding himself down onto the shaft. He rocked himself slowly down, pausing frequently. It had been so long, he was virgin tight again and it was taking some effort to accommodate Cullen’s generous size.

Once fully seated, Fenris leant forward and kissed Cullen passionately as the man writhed beneath him. Slowly, Fenris began to move, savoring the stretch and slide of Cullen’s flesh inside him.

“Maker, you feel so good, Love” Cullen breathed as his hips thrust up to meet Fenris’ every down stroke. They soon established a slow, rocking rhythm as they continued to kiss each other breathless.

Fenris took his oil slicked hand and began to stroke himself in time to his own thrusts as he slowly increased his pace.

“Fenris, Love,” Cullen moaned. “I…won’t last much longer…”

Fenris’ face spread in a wolfish grin. “Good. Cum for me, _Amatus_.”

Fenris then picked up the pace of both his thrusts and his own strokes, bringing himself to the edge of bliss, when Cullen arched beneath him, keening loudly. When Fenris felt Cullen’s cock pulsing his release within him, it sent the elf over the edge as well, his lyrium flaring brightly as spurt after spurt of his seed spilled over his hand and shot up Cullen’s chest. One gob hitting the man on his chin.

Cullen laughed at that, as Fenris leaned down to click Cullen’s chin clean. “I guess it has been a while. That was impressive, Love. The song of your lyrium still sounds as sweet.”

Fenris blushed at the praise as he slowly extricated himself from his lover, and on wobbly legs he went to get a clean, wet cloth to clean Cullen up. Fenris kissed Cullen gently as he wiped away the mess he’d made on Cullen’s chest.

“Sweetheart,” Cullen mumbled into the elf’s mouth. “Would you mind untying me now?”

Fenris regarded him for a moment. “I don’t know, Amatus. I like you like this. Tied up and helpless, at my tender mercies.”

“Love, please?” Cullen pleaded. “I really want to hold you right now.”

Fenris smiled sweetly then. “Well, when you ask so nicely.”

Fenris then proceeded to undo the leather cuffs that held Cullen, before pulling up the covers and curling up next to his love.

Cullen wrapped his arms around the elf, pulling him close and nuzzling into his downy soft white hair. “I love you so much,” Cullen breathed.

Fenris snuggled more closely to Cullen, tucking his head under the larger man’s chin. “I’m sorry I wasn’t myself for so long. You could have abandoned me and you didn’t. I didn’t think I could love you even more than I did before everything happened, but somehow I do.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I could never abandon you, especially when you needed me the most. When you needed someone to watch over you and make sure you weren’t taken advantage of,” Cullen said as he kissed the top of Fenris’ head. “I love you so much. I wasn’t about to let you go.”

“What do we do now?” Fenris asked. “The Inquisition is disbanded. Where do we go?”

Cullen shrugged. “How do you feel about staying here for a while? We can keep helping Anders in his clinic. He clearly needs protection after that last incident. Mahannon will remain until Solas shows up again. I’d like to be around to help him against Solas if it becomes necessary. How do you feel about staying in Tevinter? You are officially Liberati now.”

Fenris was silent for a long time, clearly weighing his options. After taking a deep breath he nodded. “We can stay. Now that I have my memories back, working with Anders will be…more difficult. But I can manage. I did tolerate him in Kirkwall after all.”

“Thank you, Love,” Cullen hugged the elf in his arms. “Although we may consider getting our own place. I don’t know how much longer we can intrude on Dorian’s hospitality.”

“Where would we get the coin to pay for a place of our own?” Fenris asked, raising his head to look at Cullen.

“Well, I saved most of my coin that I earned from my time with the Inquisition,” Cullen shrugged. “I also saved yours as well. I’m betting we have enough to buy a small place of our own. Perhaps somewhere closer to the clinic?”

Fenris nodded. “That might be acceptable. Let’s discuss it with Dorian tomorrow?”

Cullen nodded and yawned, hugging Fenris one more time before letting himself drift to sleep in his love’s arms.

***

A few days later found Cullen and Fenris scouting potential places to live. Dorian and Mahannon accompanied them. Dorian insisted that he be able to help renovate any place they bought.

“You do realize you will have tongues wagging, two single men living together,” Dorian teased. “Especially a human with an elf.”

“Speak for yourself, _Magister_ ,” Fenris teased back.

Dorian then looked at his Amatus and blushed. “Oh yes, quite right.”

They finally found a place in the Soporati quarter that wasn’t too far of a walk from the clinic. Normally Fenris wouldn’t have been able to purchase a place in that part of Minrathous, but because Cullen was there, the seller found the terms acceptable.

The home was very modest. It was on a small street lined with similar homes. It was quite narrow, but it had three floors. The main floor included a small seating area and kitchen. The second floor Cullen thought was perfect for a small office or study, and the top floor would serve as their bedroom.

“I do wish you’d continue to stay at my estate,” Dorian pouted. “Although I do understand your need for privacy. However, you will let me renovate and furnish this place if you insist on moving out.”

Cullen and Fenris both laughed and agreed. Dorian hadn’t been happy when they informed him that they wanted to move into a place of their own, preferably closer to the clinic.

“Alright, give me a week and then you can move in,” Dorian beamed.

The week went by quickly, with Cullen and Fenris back at the clinic helping Anders. There hadn’t been any more attempts at capturing Anders again since the first incident. Dorian had insisted on putting sturdier doors with stronger locks on the clinic so that Anders could rest assured at night. Dorian also hired some additional guards to keep an eye on the clinic at night, when Cullen and Fenris wouldn’t be there.

***

Finally, the week had passed and it was time for Cullen and Fenris to move. Dorian insisted that they come back to his estate that night for a farewell dinner, and then they would all go over to the new home together.

After dinner, Cullen and Fenris went back to their room one last time to pack up the remainder of their belongings and then the five of them headed over to their new home, Anders having joined them for dinner.

When they arrived it was already after nightfall but Cullen could detect the fresh coat of paint on the exterior. “You can’t quite appreciate it in this light, but I had it painted a lovely shade of green. It should match your eyes, Fenris.”

Fenris was grateful for the darkness to hide the flush he felt creeping up his ears.

Dorian then took out the key and handed it to Cullen, who proceeded to open the door. Cullen gasped as soon as he walked in. he could hardly believe this was the same modest home they had seen just a week before.

The flooring had been completely replaced with new tile. The kitchen was completely redone with new appliances and the dining area had a beautiful new table and an added fire place with a bench in front of it, much like their old quarters back at Skyhold. The walls inside also had a fresh coat of paint.

On the dining room table there was also set out a bottle of Aggregio Pavali and five goblets.

“Now before we toast you both,” Dorian began. “Shall we tour the rest of the home?”

Dorian led them all upstairs. On the second level there were two sturdy desks set up, along with a row of book cases filled with books. In one corner there was also a small seating area with two chairs and a small table. “I figured perhaps you both may have some use for a desk.”

Finally, on the top level they saw a large four poster bed, not unlike the one they had in Dorian’s home. Behind a privacy screen there was also a large tub, big enough or two, and it was connected to some of that ingenious dwarven plumbing, so neither would have to haul water up from the main floor to fill the tub. There was also another fire place here, with a comfortable couch set in front of it.

“This really is too much Dorian,” Cullen said gratefully. “But we are grateful for your generosity.”

“Think nothing of it,” Dorian said. “Who else am I going to spend all my father’s wealth on?”

They headed back to the main floor and Dorian opened the wine and poured it out in equal measure. “To Cullen and Fenris. May they make many happy memories in this home.”

“Thank you,” Cullen and Fenris said in unison.

“Oh and before I completely forget,” Dorian said, fishing out a vial from his cloak. “I had this made for you Cullen. It should take care of those last residual effects of your Lyrium withdrawals. Take one sip at bed time until it’s gone and that should do it.”

Anders looked intrigued, reaching for the vial. “May I?” He unstopperd the vial and too a sniff. “I smell…elfroot, embrium, and … is that blood lotus?”

Dorian nodded. “There are a few other ingredients and a specific spell that goes along with it. If you like I can introduce you to the potion maker I acquired it from.”

Anders nodded. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”

When all the wine was gone, and Cullen and Fenris were yawning, Dorian, Mahannon and Anders got up to leave. Dorian and Mahannon already promised to escort Anders back to his clinic before heading back to the Pavus estate.

They made their farewells and Dorian made them promise to come to dinner at least once each week, which Cullen and Fenris gratefully accepted.

***

Once they were finally alone, Cullen smiled happily at Fenris. “Welcome home, Love.”

Fenris shook his head as he moved into an embrace with Cullen. “Wherever you are, is home to me _Amatus_. If you had told me twenty years ago that I would be living in a home in this area of Minrathous, completely free, I would have thought you a fool.”

“It is amazing where life takes us,” Cullen admitted. “I never thought I’d ever leave Ferelden, much less end up in Tevinter, of all places.”

Hand-in-hand they made their way upstairs and readied themselves for bed.

“Don’t forget to take a sip of that potion,” Fenris reminded Cullen.

Cullen nodded and proceeded to take a sip, scrunching his face at the bitter taste. “That’s foul. I just hope it works.”

Then the pair crawled into their new bed and fell asleep happily in each other’s arms.


	14. I am Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The potion Dorian made for Cullen is tested, and Hawke reappears.

It took Cullen two weeks to finish taking the potion that Dorian had made for him. During that time, Cullen insisted in being restrained whenever he and Fenris were intimate. He just couldn’t trust himself not to hurt Fenris like had their first time together.

Cullen, however, did freely admit that as the two weeks wore on, he felt the call of the lyrium’s song less and less whenever Fenris lit his brands in the throes of passion and so Cullen was hopeful that the potion really was helping to rid him of the final remnants of his lyrium addiction.

During those two weeks they still dined at Dorian’s estate often, neither Cullen nor Fenris being very proficient at cooking. Dorian promised to send one of his kitchen staff over to help teach them some easy dishes to prepare for themselves, but reminded the pair that they were always welcome in his home for meals.

They also resumed their duties at the clinic, helping Anders in every capacity they could. Now that Fenris had his memories back he revealed the fact he had skills in bandaging wounds and mixing some basic potions. He had learned these from the Fog Warriors on Seheron. At first he was happy to recall those skills, but then he was flooded with the other, more tragic memories of what had happened. How Danarius had come back for him and forced him to kill the entire camp of Fog Warriors he had been living with.

It took Cullen and Anders a couple of hours to help Fenris come to grips with that horrid memory.

Fenris may now have access to all his memories all the way back to when he received his brands, but that didn’t mean he remembered them all at once. Some memories were triggered by other actions, scents or sounds. While he had come to terms with them in the past, he had to reintegrate them and deal with them all over again whenever they resurfaced.

Thankfully during those two weeks there had been no further attempts to kidnap or kill Anders. While Fenris at first was brusque with the mage, in the same way he had been back in Kirkwall, he slowly warmed up to Anders.

It seemed to help that Anders was no longer obsessing over a manifesto or griping about mage rights constantly. It also helped that Fenris had learned a new level of respect for some mages, like Dorian and Mahannon. So Fenris and Anders slowly settled into the beginnings of a friendship, which seemed to make Anders happy.

***

One slow afternoon at the clinic, as they all sat around rolling freshly washed bandages, Anders looked at Cullen and Fenris a little wistfully.

“You know, I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d find contentment anywhere in Thedas,” Anders sighed. “Much less friendship with the two of you.”

“Nor I with you,” Fenris agreed. “You are certainly not the kind of power-hungry mage I always thought all mages were. You truly just want your freedom and to help people, I see that now. I am sorry for all the unkind words I spoke to you years ago.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too, Fenris,” Anders smiled. “We were both very much stuck in our own little worldviews, so much so that neither of us could see how much we’d actually had in common. Justice certainly didn’t help matters in that regard.”

Anders then sighed and looked away from Fenris and Cullen before whispering harshly “Oh, shut up!” causing all three of them to laugh.

“You know there should be a joke here somewhere,” Cullen chuckled. “An ex-Templar, an apostate abomination and a lyrium-infused elf walk into a bar…”

They all laughed as they came up with a variety of ridiculous and raunchy punchlines for that joke.

***

One evening Cullen had just finished washing their dinner dishes and was pouring himself a goblet of wine when he looked over at Fenris, who was seated on the bench in front of the fireplace. “You know; I took the last of the potion last night.”

“Is that so?” Fenris said with a seductive purr.

Cullen chuckled. “Can you try lighting your brands for me? I’d like to see if I still react to them. I’d rather find out now, rather than in the throes of passion.”

Fenris rose from the bench and walked over to Cullen, giving the man a quick kiss before activating the lyrium in his skin. Cullen gasped and smiled. “Maker, it worked,” he sighed. “I can’t hear the lyrium’s song anymore. Goodness, you’re beautiful like that.”

Fenris gave an annoyed huff and pulled Cullen in for a deeper kiss, testing the man’s reaction. Pulling away, Fenris studied the man’s face as the soft blue glow highlighted the sharp angles of Cullen’s cheekbones.

“It worked, my Love,” Cullen smiled. “You won’t have to restrain me anymore.”

“I rather enjoyed having you at my mercy, _Commander_ ,” Fenris smirked.

Cullen chuckled softly. “I had noticed, but for once I’d like to actually just make love to you, sweetheart.”

Fenris’ expression softened at the words and his brands’ glow began to fade, as Cullen leaned down to kiss Fenris with warmth and tenderness, trying to convey the heady swirl of emotions currently running through him. His arms encircled the smaller frame of the elf while one hand cupped the back of his head as Cullen continued to plunder his mouth.

Cullen kissed Fenris breathless and then before the elf could recover, he scooped the elf into his arms and began to carry him upstairs.

“My legs still work,” Fenris huffed.

“Let me do this, please,” Cullen insisted, softly.

Fenris nodded and wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck and nuzzled his face against his chest as Cullen carried him up the two flights of stairs to their bedroom.

Once there, Cullen laid Fenris gently down on the bed and went to light the candles and start a fire in the fireplace. Tevinter was generally always warm, but the nights were cool, and the fire cast a warm glow across the room.

As Cullen turned back to the bed, Fenris had already removed his armor and lay there naked, his want of Cullen obvious in both his eyes and elsewhere.

Cullen couldn’t help but smile as he began to remove his own clothing. Once bare he crawled up onto the bed next to Fenris, gathering the elf up into his arms. As he cupped the Fenris’ face with one hand, he leaned in to kiss him again, just as tenderly as before.

“You have no idea how blessed I feel to have you in my life,” Cullen breathed as he pulled back and looked at Fenris. “I pray the Maker never sees fit to drive us apart. I don’t know how I could stand losing you.”

Fenris searched Cullen’s eyes and saw the sincerity there. “I know. I nearly lost myself after losing Hawke. I was blessed that you were there to help me through that. I don’t think I’d survive going through that again.”

“Then we’ll just have to grow old, together,” Cullen smiled and pulled the elf closer to him. “Let me show you how much I need you, Love.”

Cullen caressed Fenris’ face and the elf leaned into the touch, practically purring, as Cullen kissed the elf again. The kiss quickly turned more heated as Cullen explored the elf’s mouth with his tongue, and he slowly moved a hand down along the elf’s body in a soft caress, stopping at the hip and then reaching around to cup one perfect globe of the elf’s ass.

“Fenris,” Cullen breathed. “You are so beautiful, so perfect for me. Please, let me make love to you.”

“Yes, Amatus,” the elf agreed. “I need you so much.”

Cullen trailed kisses from Fenris’ neck down to his navel, before reaching out to grab the vial of oil they kept on their nightstand.

It had been a couple of weeks since Fenris last rode Cullen, and so Cullen made sure to apply a generous amount of oil on his fingers before sliding them inside Fenris’ opening, using his other hand to gently hold down his hips. At the same time, he took Fenris’ length into his mouth as his fingers massaged the elf’s prostrate. Cullen chuckled as he felt Fenris arch in pleasure, slowly teasing him.

“Amatus, please,” Fenris begged. “I need you, please.”

Cullen let his mouth slide off of the elf’s cock, taking one last swirl of his tongue around the head and slipping his two fingers free. He then slicked himself up with more oil before lining his erection up and rocking himself slowly into the elf.

Cullen leaned over Fenris as he continued to slowly rock his length into the smaller form of the elf, and their mouths met in a passionate kiss.

Finally, when Cullen was fully seated, he took a moment to admire Fenris who looked completely debauched. His hair was in more disarray than usual, his lips were red and swollen from their kisses, and his eyes were completely lust blown, with barely any of the beautiful green visible.

“You feel so good sweetheart,” Cullen murmured huskily. “I don’t think I’m going to last long.”

Fenris just moaned and clenched around him, encouraging him to move. Slowly Cullen dragged his cock out and slid it back in, trying to angle his hips to hit the elf’s prostrate. After a few more thrusts, Cullen finally hit it, causing the elf to arch under him. Having found the right angle, Cullen reached between them and began to stroke Fenris, matching the rhythm of his thrusts.

Cullen was getting close far more quickly than he wanted but he continued to thrust in and out slowly, making tender love to Fenris. Cullen tried to hold himself off as long as he could, and then Fenris keened and his brands lit bright as he came all over Cullen’s hand, clenching down rhythmically onto Cullen’s still thrusting cock. That’s when Cullen couldn’t hold back anymore and he thrust into the elf deeply before letting go, filling his lover with hot splashes of his seed.

Afterwards, they lay curled up in each other’s arms. “This was how I wanted our first time together to be, not like the disaster it was.”

“It was not a disaster, Amatus,” Fenris chuckled. “It was unfortunate, but we’re still together, despite everything. So it was most certainly not a disaster.”

Cullen smirked. “Alright, but I still feel terrible about it.”

“Don’t,” Fenris growled. “Stop berating yourself for something I forgave long ago.”

“Alright, if you insist, my Love,” Cullen agreed with a kiss.

They then cuddled and kissed until they both fell into a peaceful slumber.

***

The seasons came and went, such as they were in Tevinter. The Archon’s investigations unearthed a lot of the hidden corruption among the Magisters’ ranks and several attempts were made on both the Archon and Dorian’s life. The worst of the Magisters were routed from their ranks and their families lost their wealth, land and titles, reduced to the level of Soporati. The Magisters themselves were sentenced to either death or tranquility, their choice. Most chose death.

To thank Dorian for his role in bringing the corruption to his attention, he painted an even larger target on his back by naming him his heir. Dorian would one day ascend and become Archon. The thought both pleased and frightened the mage.

Mahannon remained in Minrathous as promised, until Leliana sent word that Solas and his followers had been located, deep within the Korcari Wilds. Dorian was unable to leave his post and so the two parted, for now. Mahannon promised he would come back once he had settled things with the elvhen trickster.

Cullen had at first wanted to accompany Mahannon, but Fenris had no interest in more dangerous adventures. Their lives had settled into a comfortable routine and Fenris feared losing Cullen on some misadventure.

So Cullen agreed to stay and look after Dorian with Fenris, and Dorian had been grateful to them both for it.

Anders kept running the clinic but he also worked to train mages willing to learn the art of healing, constantly on the lookout for another spirit healer, such as himself. He finally found one in a young elven mage whose parents were recently made Liberati. Anders took the young elf under his wing and promised his parents that he would train their son on how to best use his abilities.

Cullen had sent a letter to Varric in Kirkwall and pleaded with him to rescind the order of execution against Anders, insisting that the mage was doing good work in Tevinter, and that he was back to helping the poor and downtrodden like he had for so many years in Kirkwall.

A few months later a copy of a decree was sent to Anders, which gave him a full pardon and rescinded his order of execution, with the stipulation that he remain in Tevinter and continued helping the poor. Anders was more than happy to do just that.

News continued coming from the South in regards to Chantry reforms and the public acceptance of the College of Enchanters. Between that and Dorian’s ceaseless efforts to help poise Tevinter economically so that their entire society didn’t immediately collapse once slavery was once-and-for-all abolished, Justice remained content to be quiet. This allowed Anders to go about his day undisturbed and he was finally learning to take regular meals and sleep.

Cullen, Fenris and Anders all began to spend more time with Dorian after Mahannon left. The Magister had been very distraught when the former Inquisitor insisted on going after Solas and he worried non-stop for his love.

Dorian did speak with Mahannon through the sounding crystal as often as possible, which helped reassure that his love was alright. Yet he still worried.

***

One night after falling asleep once again in Cullen’s arms, Fenris dreamt of the Fade. Little did Fenris, or anyone else, know that because of Solas’ machinations the Veil had become dangerously thin. So this dream was unlike ones before. It was less like a dream, and felt almost real.

Fenris began to explore and was surprised, as he turned a corner around a rock formation, to find Cullen. “Amatus? Is that you?” Fenris queried.

“Fenris, Love,” Cullen sounded just as surprised. “Are we both sharing the same dream?”

Fenris reached out and he was able to touch Cullen, but then he jumped back, immediately suspicious.

“How do I know you’re not a demon?” they both said at the same time.

“Neither of you is a demon,” came a voice from behind Cullen.

They both whirled around and there stood Garrett Hawke.

“Hawke!” Fenris cried, and ran into the Champion’s arms, and was swept up in a passionate kiss.

“Maker’s breath, I’ve missed you,” Hawke said staring down at the elf in his arms.

“Wait how do I know you’re not a demon?” Fenris asked, immediately feeling foolish.

Hawke laughed. “I guess you don’t. I know I’m not a demon though.”

Cullen appeared behind Fenris, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Knight-Commander Cullen!” Hawke said cheerfully. “It’s been a long time. Why are you here?”

“It appears that Fenris and I are…somehow sharing this dream,” Cullen said

“You two, sharing a dream? How very odd,” Hawke shrugged. “What’s been going on? How are either of you even here now anyway? I’ve really only had spirits and demons for company all this time.”

Fenris stepped back from Hawke and then he and Cullen explained everything that had happened since Adamant Fortress and the unfortunate incident that forced Mahannon to abandon the Champion in the Fade.

“So you went all the way to Skyhold, looking for me?” Hawke asked Fenris. “I am so sorry I had to leave you behind like that. I have missed you so.”

“I wept for weeks,” Fenris confessed. “I was a complete wreck. Cullen…he helped me pick up the pieces. Helped give me a purpose again.”

Cullen reached out and put an arm around the elf’s shoulders at that. “This is a bit awkward, but I love Fenris very much.”

Hawke grinned. “I can see that. Thank you for taking such good care of him, and for loving him. He deserves all the love he can get.”

“You’re not upset, that I’ve moved on?” Fenris asked.

“No,” Hawke admitted. “I’m relieved actually. I worried about you, and now I know I don’t have to.”

“Maybe, now that we know you survived,” Cullen suggested. “Perhaps we can find a way to get you out of here.”

Hawke shook his head. “No, it’s far too late for that now.”

Fenris looked at Hawke and realized that he appeared different from Cullen. Cullen was a clear, solid presence next to him. In contrast, Hawke’s edges seemed somewhat…smudged.

“You…you’re not really Hawke,” Fenris growled.

“Yes, I am,” Hawke said. “At least I used to be anyway, before the Nightmare killed me. Now I exist like this, as a spirit.”

“Anders was always going on about how spirits and demons were different,” Fenris mused. “I think I am beginning to understand what he meant.”

“Does Justice still possess him?” Hawke asked.

“Yes, but he has calmed considerably,” Fenris replied. The elf then went on to relate what had happened to Anders since they had fled Kirkwall.

“Well, I’m glad to hear he’s doing what he has always done best,” Hawke smiled. “I guess perhaps in the end he was right after all, since mages now have the freedom he so desperately fought for. I’m very glad I let him live.”

“As are we,” Cullen said. “He’s been a good friend to us in Tevinter.”

Cullen began to shift and shimmer then and Fenris cried out. “What’s happening? Cullen?!”

“It’s alright Fenris,” Hawke tried to calm the elf. “He’s just waking up.”

Fenris calmed down and watched Cullen fade from view. “Why am I still asleep then?”

“I think Cullen just wanted to give you some time alone with me,” Hawke surmised. “Come, walk with me?”

Hawke and Fenris walked through the Fade and spoke of many things. Finally, Hawke stopped and pulled Fenris into another embrace. “You will have to wake up soon or you will worry Cullen overmuch,” Hawke said, stroking Fenris’ hair.

“I love you, Hawke,” Fenris confessed. “I love Cullen too, very much, but I will always love you as well.”

“I love you too, Fen,” Hawke said softly. “Take care of yourself and of your former Templar. He needs you now more than I.”

They shared a last kiss and then Fenris felt the pull of the waking world. As he began to wake up, he opened his eyes and blinked away the sleep.

As he looked up he saw Cullen looking at him worriedly.

“Oh, thank the Maker,” Cullen sighed. “When you didn’t wake up with me I was scared I was going to lose you.”

“I wanted to spend a little more time with Hawke,” Fenris confessed, as tears began to crest in his eyes. “I do love you Cullen, so much. But a part of me will always belong to Hawke. I have missed him so much. Your love has kept me going when nothing else could. Without you I think I would have joined Hawke in the Fade long ago.”

“You needed someone and I was more than happy to be there,” Cullen said softly, stroking Fenris’ hair much like Hawke had just done in the Fade. “You brought love into my life when before all I had was duty and honor. I may have helped you find a new purpose, but you did much the same for me. I love you, Fenris.”

“Hawke is my past, you are my present and my future,” Fenris said. “You are my heart, and I am yours.”

Cullen smiled. “I know, my Love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is the end of this story. Thank you for coming on this journey with me as I explored the dynamic between Cullen and Fenris. They are a rare pair that I think have some potential. 
> 
> This last chapter was difficult for me to write because I didn't know how I wanted to end it. I left it somewhat open ended because I may be inspired to write more after we find out exactly what Solas is up to in the next Dragon Age game. We'll see. ;)
> 
> As for my fan fiction writing in general, this is the last Dragon Age story I'll be writing for a while. I'm not done with Dragon Age, but I need to finish my one WIP Merlin fic, and then I need to devote some time to my novel. Once that is done, I'll come back to write more DA fics.


	15. Morning Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commissioned Fan Art by lolbatty (http://lolbatty.tumblr.com/).


End file.
